Baddo 2

 I could hear my heartbeat so loudly, it almost felt like I was running a marathon or playing some hard sport. I suddenly started to sweat, Rotimi noticed my sudden uneasiness and asked if everything was cool with me. I quickly feigned tiredness and he joked about how I should remember my salary and get energized. We all laughed but deep down I was wailing, I couldn't afford to lose my Rotimi but salvaging the situation was beyond me. Certainly, my sister in law was going to let the cat out of the bag even though I had no clue as to when and where she would but all I wanted was the courage to pull Rotimi to a corner and tell him my truth before anybody does. 

Truthfully, I didn't think that would do much because if tables were turned I'd not be moved and I'll ask why he had to wait this long before revealing the truth. I summoned up the courage to bring out my phone and I decided to look up any of my lover’s family members, a sister, brother or cousin. Anyone I could speak with to help plead on my behalf because I had played out the scenario and I'm guessing he’ll block me on all platforms and his best friend wouldn't be able to do much because he’ll be paddling Rotimi’s boat.

All my web surfing brought little or no result and I was quite alarmed. I know Rotimi doesn't really speak about his family because he’s the only rebel that ditched his US citizenship to return to Nigeria but I remember he had one heated argument with his sister at some point in our relationship. I was hoping to find her on social media but I guess my FBI’s skills need some updating.

Finally the hangout was over and he drove us home. I rehearsed my speech over and over through the drive home but every time I opened my mouth to begin the conversation……. I lost my voice. I sent a text explaining the situation and once I was sure he had read it, I turned off my phone and cried my eyes out. Annoyingly, my husband was right beside me but he couldn't even tell I was crying because as usual he was on twitter, giggling and dropping his “hot takes”. The cow had no idea that he’s an inch away from getting divorced but what does he care anyways????

As expected, I walked into the sitting room to have a mini family meeting with my mother in law, sister in law and husband. I was unperturbed, in fact I had emailed an estate agent to get me a comfy home close to Rotimi’s, my intention was to ‘KANYE’ him. He’ll bulge eventually and forgive me. I had not heard from him since I sent the message but i’ll definitely call him once these ones are done with their castigation and whatever rubbish they intend to run me through this morning.

Shockingly, my mother in law faced her son and scolded the life out of him, at first I had thought I was dreaming. She reprimanded him for not being emotionally available to me and our son and made him promise to go on a vacation with us to spend quality time and like magic asked my husband to apologize to me and promise to turn a new leaf and he did, wholeheartedly but my heart already belonged to Rotimi and there was no going back. My mother in law also informed us that she had hired the services of a premium marriage counselor to help us reignite our love. I was impressed but this good girl had gone bad Ma’am

In all of this, I kept looking at my sister in law's face and she was smiling and apologizing for her brother’s nonchalant attitude towards us. After the long lecture my mother in law gave us, we thanked her and he had to prepare for work. Apparently, she didn't inform her son of my escapades with Rotimi. My mother in law now pulled me aside and begged me to end things with Rotimi. I  didn't want to make any promises but she made me promise to try. 

To lighten the mood, I told my sister in law to join me in the kitchen and she informed me that Rotimi’s bestie had always spoken highly of me and how my husband must have been a fool not to treat me right. She kept apologizing on her brother’s behalf and I mistakenly told her that it was too late and that my heart already yearned for Rotimi. She paused a bit, then she went to an instagram page and asked me if I could recognize who it was. I looked hard and thought she was about to break my heart and tell me Rotimi had a family somewhere on planet earth.

She laughed and said the female picture was Rotimi before he switched …………………..

And that was why his family disowned him.

Baddo

 Honestly, my instinct told me to stay in bed all day and watch cartoon with my son but as the “coconut headed Princess” that I am, I shook that thought away and still went ahead with my itinerary for the day. As always  my husband had gone out with the boys leaving me and my son to do whatever we pleased. Sometimes, I wondered what would have become of me if I didn’t have a child in this sham I call a marriage and to think that I was sliding in and out of depression during pregnancy. Who would have thought he’ll brighten up my entire existence?

Without a doubt, pregnancy is a very challenging time for every woman but it becomes worse when you have an unsupportive partner. I remember one time when I was vomiting and my husband did not even bother to help me clean up and when I asked, he told me to stop whining, I’m not the first pregnant woman on earth or should I talk about how he’ll go out all day and not bother to check up on me,even when he knew that I was vomiting quite frequently. Everytime I read about pregnant women stressing their husbands to get them various foods and junks. I laughed then cried because I couldn’t relate. Weirdly, my husband and I had a big fight before he agreed to take me regularly for my ante-natal. Saying I suffered was an understatement but you see God put a smile on my face by giving me a mind blowing job in a multiNational firm. 

The day I got a call from the head of HR, I cried very happy tears. This is because the man I married takes care of some of the home needs and NONE of my personal needs. For many months,  I hated myself for quitting my job and  relocating from Ibadan to Lagos all in the name of love. I remember my line manager asking me repeatedly if I was really sure I wanted to go down that route but I was blindly in love not knowing marriage would cure my blindness quickly. I told my husband I got the job and he laughed and said he was very sure it was scammers because those organisations only recruit very smart people. He had no idea that I had done a series of virtual interviews during-after pregnancy and that I had a God who never failed. 

We had a team hang-out in October at some fancy lounge and while I was trying to navigate my way to our table, a waiter spilled drinks on my very fancy outfit. I was about to bring out my Isale-Eko alter ego when a strikingly handsome man interrupted. We ended up at a nearest store where he bought me a new outfit. I felt love, wanted and happy. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone took me shopping, not even Tom Tom. He asked for my number at the end of the evening and I happily handed him over my phone. He became my regular buddy and soon he met my son. They bonded and we had regular chill-outs together. Infact I had even met some of his close friends and associates and started attending functions in matching Asoebis whilst I was still  very married to my husband. The thing is, I had stopped wearing my wedding ring for a bit, I didn’t feel the need to remind everyone that I’m living in bondage , or isn’t it bondage when your husband only smiles and laughs with you when he needs something but doesn’t care to make the chit-chat a regular habit.

Truth be told, I didn’t think my husband was seeing any other person but he just had a very terrible way at communicating and no matter how hard I tried he never understood my point of view but he regularly enjoyed himself with his friends whilst he left me home and dry, not even a movie night. Interestingly, Rotimi assumed I was a single mother and there’s no way I was going to change that assumption because I was enjoying his attention.

Crazily, Rotimi had picked us up in our home a few times and no I didn’t feel bad. If you don’t spend quality time with your family, somebody else will. My husband should even be grateful that I still respect our vows and have not turned on the sexual button in my new relationship.

We landed in Rotimi’s best friend's house and we were chastising him for his womanizing pedigree. He then whispered that we should change our topic as he has a new bAe in his room and he intends to make this permanent. Rotimi, Myself and even my son couldn’t wait to see the special one. We were very curious as to how she made our baddo fall in love with her. Finally, she made her appearance and she turned out to be my husband’s immediate sister……. Yes you read right… my very own sister in law and no I wasn’t ashamed, I was just too scared of losing Rotimi….

Wonders 2

 Kayanmata keh!!! No, I'm definitely dreaming. How can Bola….but  we used to call out those who patronise these people. How can she drive down this shady route and conceal this information from me??? I patiently typed kayanmata on her search button and alas I realised Bola was indeed skilled at sourcing for these people. She had bought several of their products and they regularly kept her posted when new products were available.

Isn’t it crazy that I was almost about to lose my mind because I never got tangible gifts from anyone. Whereas the Bola that was always rubbing it in my face was using dubious methods to extort men who fell into her trap. This life ehn but wait, Bola has always been blessed with good men even from our sophomore year in university or has she been using Kayanmata since then? What if she’s in a cult? 

Bola walked in and understood that I had seen something I wasn’t supposed to. I stared straight into her eye balls as I was itching for an explanation. I needed answers to why I wasn’t informed of her new experiment with diabolical items. She bursted into tears and gave a very vague explanation. I knew there was more, there had to be, something must have led to this crazy behaviour. I needed something concrete, a background story, something that must have pushed her into this route but all I understood from all her blabbings was nothing but pure greed.

Bola wanted a baby girl lifestyle without wanting to put in the work. Her eyes are fixed on owning a property in banana island before the new year and her only claim to a legitimitate income is my company that she funds heavily. The crazy thing is she’s always reinvesting her profits, that’s to show you how much this Kayanmata business is booming for her. I honestly thought I knew her, I could vouch for her, this girl was supposed to be my partner in everything. My life is just filled with shitty people. I can’t even boast of a good friend. 

I was honestly speechless at this point of our conversation, she suddenly looked different to me, I didn’t even know how to react, I was just lost, disappointed and ashamed. like how in the world did I miss this? How can I go on calling her bestie, when I really didn’t even know her. I even honestly want her to pull out of our business as her views and mine are clearly parallel lines. 

Well, I decided to pull my thoughts together and act cool. Afterall, wisdom is critical in dealing with difficult situations. So I smiled and acted like it’s fine. Bola then knelt down and dropped the biggest bombshell of the entire decade with tears flowing down her eyes. She mentioned that I sprayed a perfume of hers in 200 level and she’s quite certain that’s why men don’t buy me pricey gifts because I ought to have sprayed it with my left and not my right hand. 

Ayemio!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonders

God bless whoever invented leave days, my whole body was already shutting down gradually from stress, that my overbearing boss has forgotten that some of us run other businesses and still need time to mingle so that we can exit the spinsterhood lifestyle.

The crazy thing is although I have a boyfriend, I’m honestly better off without one. For heaven's sake Paul has never made me a priority and like my blunt bestie would say, no one I have ever dated has made me feel like a Queen. On the other hand my Bola gets men to literally move the world for her.

At almost 30 years of age, no one has ever bought me flowers, talk more of a fancy restaurant. I remember when Paul made a whooping 20 million Naira profit and I asked him to invest just one million in my business, he bluntly refused. This is a business he knows would do exceedingly well with more funds but thank God for Bola in my life and my savings from my Job. I’ll just have been a pauper girlfriend to a rich boyfriend. Nollywood for use my story catch cruise.

I remember how overjoyed I was when Paul took me to what my blunt Bola describes as a two star restaurant to celebrate his 20 million profit from his real estate hustle. I was too glad that finally “my level don elevate from mama-put to fancy restaurant”. As usual Bola was so pissed when I told. In her words, she claims I’m too nice to the men I’m with and men don’t like nice women. They prefer the wicked ones, the ones they have to chase endlessly.

Undoubtedly, I know Paul is not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with because he’s too stingy. This is a guy I go out of my way to please almost all the time. Not even one pricey thing from him, the best I get on my birthday is cake and trust me I'd have been reminding him for two months. Sometimes I pay the delivery fees myself and it’s not like he gives me quality time. It’s high time I end this falsehood going on. It’s better to be hungry than to eat poisoned food.

Bola moved in with me to console me, she’s very happy I broke up with Paul but she knows I’ll still wail for weeks even though I know I did the right thing. More importantly, she’s here to monitor our business as she’s a partner in my company. Suddenly, she screamed my name Tumiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! I almost jumped into pouring hot boiling water on myself. She handed over the phone to me and alas my world came crashing.

I was quiet for the better part of the day and Bola did everything she could to get me out of my mood but my brain kept replaying what I had just seen. Paul bought his new girl an IPhone 13 pro max and the funny thing is he blocked me from his ig account. I’m honestly not mad that he has moved on so quickly. My pain is that I literally begged this man to fund my business when his real estate was still booming and he said No but he could cough out this much on a phone for his new girlfriend, while I got nothing tangible for the last 3 years. Wow…. Just wow….

This incident took me down memory lane and I realised I’m honestly not worth shit… no man I have been with has ever bought me anything worthy of the gram and I’m not one of those who depend on men for money, in fact I even do more of the spending and when they start winning in life, the first thing they change is me….

If Bola knew this was how I'd react, I’m sure she'd never have shown me. I cried non-stop for days, refused to eat, couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I tried. I felt other girls were made of diamond while I was a mixture of wood and granite. My days became dark and my heart filled with too many questions.

Bola’s boyfriend came visiting and after sitting in silence with me for about 120 minutes. He drove us to a psychiatrist. I was admitted and my journey to wholeness began. Talking to my psychiatrist was a chore, I didn’t even know what to say, I just wanted to be left alone and stare into space but with time I understood my environment and realised I had gradually devalued myself because the men in my life were ass holes. 

I got better and it was time to be discharged, thanks to quality health care and I decided to surprise my friend with my arrival. She has been my rock in this turbulent time I had just overcome. My psychiatrist obliged me and offered to drop me at my place as she was still there. 

Bola was still in her towel when I arrived, she was too pleased to see me smiling. I spotted some soap on her back, so she ran off to wash it. I entered my room, thanked God that depression was now a thing of the past in my life. I picked up Bola’s phone because I needed to call my phone to find it. 

Shockingly, a message from an unstored number telling her that the ‘Do as I say’ complete package is now available and that it’s no longer 200 000 but 300 000 but because she’s a long time customer she can pay 280 000. I couldn’t believe my eyes.. so my bestie patronises Kayanmater sellers!!!!! 

Wonders will never end!!!!!!.

Instagram handle @dr_temielsie

Egg Hatched 2

Two beautiful weeks had passed and the only explanation I got from my dad was that my biological mum abandoned me and ran off with another man, immediately I was born. The truth is for some crazy reason my brain just decided to shut my introduction memory out.  As far as I am concerned, a woman who was mean enough to abandon me does not exist and it honestly should stay that way. I don’t even want her at my wedding. I was only grateful to the woman who stood by me and nurtured me like her very own. 

Charles and I had lunch at some fancy place, the food was too good we had to order take-outs for evening and head over to his place. I noticed something about him was jittery but I couldn’t place my finger on it or were his parents asking him to pull out cos of the drama???? No, I doubt that, they won’t be so mean to me. It’s not my fault that I was born under such a circumstance. Let’s just get to his house first, I’ll ask. That woman had better not just show her face anywhere near me ever again else I’ld hire those rough looking boys to teach her a lesson she’ll never ever forget!!!

I was candy-crushing on my phone, when Charles and my biological mum showed up. I was about to start yelling, when Charles asked me to grant her an audience, he went on his knees and called me by all the sweet names in Africa, I had no choice but to oblige. My mother sat beside me and began to speak.........

It was barely ten minutes into her speech when tears began to roll down my eyes, I felt honestly sorry for her. She had been through hell and back all in the name of love. I couldn’t believe my father would have treated anyone so badly because of their social status. I couldn’t even believe grandma let that happen. She brought in evidence of mails she and her new husband sent to reach me as far back as when I was in secondary school. O goodness, I felt betrayed. I don’t even want to live under the same roof with that man ever again.

My mother was a maid and my father continually had sexual relations with her, his mum knew and turned a blind eye to it but she quickly enrolled her in school and treated her nicely. So nicely, that they didn’t have to hide their relationship. My mum became pregnant and all hell was let loose. My father became a monster and constantly tagged her ‘a gold digger’ his mum did nothing but turn a blind eyes to her son’s actions.

Under her very watch, my father got married to my step-mom and she became their house maid. She barely had money to take care of herself and had no one to rely on, she didn’t even have money to get on a bus back to her village to meet her uncles COs she was an orphan. One-night after another round of serious beating, she ran out of the house and was hit by a car. It took her three days to regain consciousness. The good samaritan who hit her was a doctor who could tell she just gave birth and had empathy on her. He called my father and informed him of the accident, all my dad did was cut the call and block his number.

After days of waiting, the doctor decided to drive my mum home and alas they met the shock of their destinies. The neighbours told them that my my father, his wife, her daughter and his mum have relocated out of the country. She wept her eyes sore, she tried reaching some of grandma’s friends and they didn’t even let her the chance to enter their compound. Depression kicked in and she had to be admitted in a mental home, the doctor stood by her and helped rehabilitate her, sent her to fashion school and married her.  They got an old colleague of my father who had his mail, they reached out to him severally  but he refused to respond. That same old colleague was the one, who got in contact with them and informed them I was getting introduced and they rushed in from Ibadan. She apologised for disrupting my event and begged me for a chance to be a part of my life. 

I was speechless, all three of us looked like we’ve just been robbed. There are truly two sides to a story. I cannot believe my step mum married another woman’s husband and was comfortable living under the same roof with her as a maid??? We women need to do better and my granny too, watched her son humiliate another being daily and just because she was a maid. She turned a blind eye. Wow just wow..... 

Well, I know the truth now and I’m walking straight to my dad, to tell him my mother would be walking me down the aisle on my wedding day and whatever madness anyone wants to pull, they should sure be ready to get a triple dose. First off, let me get an apartment to move into, ain’t no way I’m living under the same roof with those humans and moving in with Charles in not an option, he has to pay my bride-price before history repeats itself.

Egg Hatched

I settled nicely in the “dark corner” of my room. I was not feeling our regular Saturday bants, infact since I got back from the UK six months ago, I have been a lil weird. My parents have held a mini intervention for me, they think it’s work that is taking a toll on me. The truth is they are partially right, no one ever told me that being in the “Fortune 500” earning bracket meant working till you drop. The other day the COO confidently sent 10 whooping tasks to my mail at 9:45pm and he wanted them attended to by morning. I was raving mad but then I smiled gracefully, took it home and worked all night long COs I have mates who have my same foreign MBA qualification and are still roaming the streets of Lagos to get a decent pay. 

Church was fun, our pastor spoke about doing the work and activating our faith. He spoke directly to me, COs since I got back I have been expecting Charles to pop the question. I mean we been an item for 4 years, 2 months and 18 days. We deserve to get marry. I didn’t ignore all the men in Manchester only to be left hanging in Lagos. Anyways I’ll visit Bukky today, I’ll pour out my fears, I just hope he’s not cheating. No Charles won’t do that again! He cheated once when we first started seeing each other, he kissed one Susan girl, I’ll forever dislike( ok girl you need to let her off your mind) they kissed at a club. He confessed to me himself and promised to be loyal and I believe he has been faithful or did I make a mistake by turning down his proposal two years ago but if I had my father would definitely not have sent me to the UK for my MBA, even my mum supported me wholeheartedly saying that my MBA would boost my earning power and it did. Something is just not right but I’ll land In Bukky’s house, narrate my story with the hope that she’ll tell her boyfriend Tej who’s Charles bestie. I’m a thousand percent sure Charles would be informed of my fears and I’ll watch his reaction. I turned on my ignition and voom I went.....

Charles was raving upset that I could talk to a third party, instead of coming straight to him. I was too happy my egg hatched... I apologised and he reminded me that he was only following my script. I think I must have mentioned it somewhere that I wanted to wait one year after I returned before our introduction. I must have been high on weed. Anyhu bae and his family came to my house and we picked an introduction date. My heart was racing with joy but somehow I still had doubts. My bestie concluded too many Yoruba films have messed with my brains.

The celebration began, my friends were dressed elegantly and already peppering every one. Charles and his friends came to flaunt their swags in HD. The turn-out was so massive it felt like a wedding reception. We were taking family pictures, when suddenly a woman elegantly dressed pulled our photographer away and yelled What is going on here? I was scared, very scared I looked at Charles for an explanation but he looked clueless. The woman then pulled my father out and was almost slapping him but for the timely intervention of my uncle. She hurled insults at him and then faced me and said Tomilola, I’m your mother and this cannot hold except I give my blessings. I became dizzy immediately, I saw Charles and my friends try to save me from hitting the ground.

Ethics kwa?

Imagine the freaking hypocrisy? Can Nigerians just pause for a bit and deep think this bbnaija ish, before they start throwing jabs. You’ll  realise it’s a reflection of our society but “mbanu” we have to play holier than thou because we are afraid to admit we too, kiss on our first date. Even my friend Tobiloba who’s currently shagging her friends father is forming moral compass on her whatsapp status. Let me just drop this phone before I cast her this evening.

Eno sef dey call person “opportunist”(laughs) this must be a joke. E-n-o same Eno that you must reward either financially or service wise if she runs a favour. Let me drop this phone abeg, I’m not about to subscribe to this bi-polar shenanigans my people are pulling on WhatsApp. This Bola wey make  life difficult for me all through last year sef dey form say person get bad character... weh done sir! Go and audition next year, let’s see if you’ll survive one week without twitter dragging your parents for not raising you well.

My mother’s  text interrupts my surfing bliss and of course... oh wait! It’s not her usual bants about getting a second degree. OMG! My cousin intro! Wawu! Daisy is getting married. Wow! I’m so glad, at least her parents can let her breathe in peace now. Chai! Daisy has suffered in their hands. Imagine being the first girl of 4 and all your younger siblings have kids in their husbands home. While you’re there just rocking your single life in torments. Aunty don *God when* taya for my ear. Let me go and pick out a statement dress for this beautiful occasion, destiny may find me there. Hmmm I think I’m happy with bae abeg. Our craze blend! But Daisy nor try sha, she did not even deem it fit to call me and gist me about our in-law and na me be her *consoler general* o. She see man na, she ex my side. I go call am..........

I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation with Daisy and of-course my heart beat. He’s probably right, she’s hiding something. That’s the only reason she has been keeping her distance and forming busy. Abi is she pregnant? Ehn even if she is, I’ll not condemn her, even Jesus condemns no one. I just hope this her husband is not one of those shady men. It’ll be horrible for her to have waited for this long, only to end up with the wrong one. God forbid her experience pain in marriage after all that emotional abuse she had to endure at her parents all because she had no suitor. Nigerian Parents ehn! God will help them and this marriage matter. I think what strikes me most is that, some of these parents, especially mothers are freaking unhappy in their homes and if they could reverse the hands of time, they would have focused on their careers and married men who they wanted but yet they keep forcing marriage on women as if it’s some sort of reward for living. Sigh biko let me go n prepare for my onboarding task tomorrow before my boss would ask me to fire myself.

My mother almost made me bring bae, just in a bid to tell the world that her daughter is quarter to marry, I nor gree. First, even though bae and I are great, he has not popped the question yet. I cannot start forming wife, when I’m just a girl friend. I might even meet an eligible bachelor ready to commit, I wouldn’t want to ruin my chances... mbanu. Bae was even ranting on why he should come with us, I just hushed him up with the *Alaye jor jor* slang. He should use his common sense to know, that to attend family functions with me, I gotta see a shinny studded sliver circle on the appropriate finger.

Fred!!! Wait! Fred is Daisy’s man!!!! Tufiakwa! I was so uneasy all through the ceremony. I couldn’t wait for it to end. Men are wicked????? Ha! How can he even be so cruel? Bae has almost killed my phone with calls and messages reminding me about the ethics of my profession. Ethics kwa? He has asked me to remain calm and be diplomatic in my approach. But abeg na my family she be, I don’t freaking care, if CIPM like make dem collect my certificate. This wedding will not hold and I’ll bring out hard core evidence. How can be HIV positive and he’ll want to marry my cousin. O lord, I just hope they’ve not been making out. If only her parents were more lenient, she would have taken her time to study the bastard.

I went straight to my cousin, Fred was trying to form familiarity but trust me, my eye balls gave him all the response he needed. He’s HIV positive Daisy, I have his files, you cannot marry him. Ill bring you evidence, I’ll print his medical report on Monday and....... she cut me short and whispered into my ears. It’s a contract marriage! Don’t fret! I just need this people off my back and even  if I get infected, I honestly don’t care. I’ll use their anti-retro viral drugs to control it. All I want is to be married at-least,  so my own immediate family can accept me. Tears roll down her eyes.