GiDi Chronicles:Episode 1

Every  gidician   would agree with me that packaging   is a way of life in this city. You must package till you make it, I'm all for packaging, looking good is always good business but life has shown me there's a thin line between packaging, packlying and fakeness. My bestie met one guy that claimed to be the all and all of one popular PR firm, being the detective she is, she found out the dude was lying and all he could say was that he was only prophesisying, he could not even lie properly, Ronke dumped his ass but not before making him pay heavily at a hifalutin resturant and as always I tagged along. Ronke and I have been friends since undergraduate days and at masters level we gladly deceived people we were relatives, sometimes sisters, sometimes cousins, whatever noun came out first. Ronke is a proper spoilt child, she's the only child of her parents, her mum is forever in the states and her mighty house in Osborne is home for me, her father and herself, yet she is very humble, no yeye accent forming even though she has travelled round the world, infact her father sponsored our last two summer trips,  I sincerely thought this r factor thing was only exhibited by women and girls who have low self esteem issues, 'yes, you have esteem issues if you fake an accent, I'm in my house come and beat me'. Then shockingly some men in baby body jumped on the trend.

I can go on and on about people who from over packaging jumped into fakeness, without even noticing, I sincerely assumed that every private hostel student had wealthy parents or relatives, shock paid me a visit when I discovered that most of them paid their fees from runs!!! ehen even runs is packaging, formerly it was called prostitution. These days we have packaged so many wrong professions into attractive packages and made it almost diffcult for people to say no. I sometimes just think of how much money these girls make, mehn maybe I should just join them, Ronke is quick to remind me of my moral values when I want to go down that route. is not like any man I dated was worth it.... I was on my own, waiting for Ronke to come and pick me from my faculty, when this gbogbgo big girl of town came up to me and asked me to loan her some money. I looked at her, the aunty was carrying the latest Iphone, her Manolo blahnik bag and fendi pumps were screaming  'I cost a fortune'  and her Tahari gown was beautiful balanced on her cinched body. I know you'll ask how I know these designers,  I take out time to know this things so when I hammer, i'll slay well, besides how am I suppose to contribute to grandiose conversations when Ronke forces me to all  her elite gatherings. I looked at Mariam and wondered, how I was supposed to loan her money when she's looking like a million Euro's and I the lender looking like a thousandnaire, it got me thinking, I am sure some people most have missed their helpers through fake lifestyles.


I overheard some girls talking about how their customer increased their pay because they landed in uber select rides, so I figured overpackging/fakeliving worked for some. Ronke came in and announced her seondary school re-union was happening soon and by the time she received her levy, I had to ask her if they were flying in their chairs from Maldives, I am not understanding, infact I doubt they paid that much per session when they were students. I knew I was tagging along, I had to help her eat her share because my friend is Miss fit fam and she aint joking with her diet, she has an hour glass shape her boyfriend lives for, Emmanuel loves to show her off ehn...kai.We landed at the reunion venue, it was not bad, as usual both men and women were dressed to impress, the whole point of the union was to show off, you could see how they struggled to act like they were some foreign breed or just landed from their private jets, the part that got me laughing was when they were asked to introduce theirselves mehn see forming, three many ceo's. one of them claimed to have studied in Dubai yet she possessed a konk british accent. I couldnt deal. I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was an old neighbour, her face was all painted like it was her wedding, we hugged, gisted and gossiped she gave me gist and kept me company while Ronke was busy ensuring everyone was satisfied. I then told my old neighbour, Ronke invited me, she then said her brother is her boyfriend.... I laughed, somebody must have packaged himself to deceive Tonia, I then told her, she is an only child. she laughed at me heartily.

Tonia explained to me that the man I think is Ronke's father is her sugar daddy, her parents disowned her when they started dating during her jamb lesson days, and the man had been paying her bills, she even showed me family pictures and the resemblance between her brother and herself is glaring enough as proof. I suddenly became full, very full. I couldnt believe I did not notice, but she has a boyfriend,...but... I.... well...the good thing is that we still have parents who are not money blinded but how am I supposed to remain friends with her and act like, this information did not just breeze through my ears.

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SHOCKED

''This is freaking Preposterous'', the Irate passenger yelled as she demanded her balance from the rude conductor who had turned deaf ears to her yelling. I peacefully alighted, I did not have strength to hassle words with him over my fifty Naira balance. I entered into my peaceful abode, a place I can call my own, getting my parents to allow me live alone was a strong battle but thanks to my new job, they had to agree that the distance was quite a journey. I wonder why African parents think it's sinful to allow a girl child some independence. I landed on my bed and began munching my favorite cookies and smoothie, I know I deceive myself with the fit fam thing but God would help me, I got a message from Teju saying the gang wanted us to hang and since I now have my freedom, they were initiating me to the night life, then she hinted, Martins was coming with his girlfriend. I literally froze, Martins and I are the closest, I should have heard that gist before Tej, since when did Martins start hiding things from me, I was pissed, very pissed but maybe he wanted to surprise me because I have yabbed his single status way to much in this lifetime.

Martins and his bae arrived late, he introduced her to the crew, she's hot, I must agree but there was something off about her and as the Miss blunt that I am, I made it clear when she went to the ladies and Teju was quick to point out that I was just jealous and in love with Martins. Well, true I love all my male friends and I can do almost anything for them even my boyfriend can attest to that. I got home at past mid-night and I was literally sleeping the whole week long, I looked forward to the weekend like my life depended on it and my gang dropped the surprise, Tunde and Martins took us on a weekend treat to a very lovely resort in Lagos, that was my best weekend e-v-e-r!!! Martins bae, Shantel became my bestie, we loved the same books and movies.

Teju became extremely jealous of our friendship and I always reminded her that she is family and no one can take that away, Shantel virtually lived in my house, we did e-v--e-r-y-t-h--i-n-g together, my boyfriend did not approve of her intially, I told him that's how I felt when I first met her but he'ld like her as time went by and he did. Martins and I got some alone time and I told him how slighted I felt, when I realized I was the last of the gang to know his relationship status had changed, he apologized, got me cake, he then mumbled some sentences that simply meant he thought I wouldn't approve of  her and he was glad to see us become friends.

Martins and I have come a long way and if there was something I knew, its was the fact that he knew me like the back of his palm, infact that was the main reason, I never agreed to date him back then, so If he thought I wont like her, then I shouldn't. I decided to dig into Shantel's past and to my greatest surprise, I found nothing, the young girl is just a regular girl, trying to make life a palace she can rule. My parents wanted me to come home some weekends and I obliged, it's always a pleasure to eat free food, I was gisting with my cousin, whose parents had abandoned at my house to receive some hard training. I must admit Tonye is a handful, from drugs to yahoo, to absconding with various married men and appearing on top magazines and television, she even once faked her own kidnap and made her parents pay a heavy ransom, my mum registered her in an on-line university and monitors her every breathe. Tonye was showing me her London escapades, when I saw Shantel pole-dancing away like a trained stripper, this girl claims she cant dance to save her life, I scrolled on for more pictures, she was blazing cigarettes in bikini, I had to ask Tonye about her and I was told she was deported from the Uk for peddling drugs but some how she still supplies Tonye's boyfriend and she is famous for dating rich men and dumping their asses like they never happened.

I zoomed into depression mode, immediately I landed my house, I did not know how to break the news to Martins, Shantel was a scam, she had probably looked me up and found out the kind of books I read, my kind of movies and used that to get to me or maybe she might have changed, I'll watch her closely. I opened my fridge to take out my cookies and then I spotted my hidden camera, I had placed it there to see how crazy I act when I am exercising.  I decided to play what had been recorded so far, it did made me laugh, I laughed so hard I forgot all my worries then a video of Shantel and my boyfriend making out on five different occasion appeared.