'You call the Shot'

My life as a Marketer has been such a sweet tale, I enjoy cajoling people to switch to my brand for a living, it's actually swwweeeeeet, the human mind is quite flexible, it only needs the right twist to bring it on board, though sometimes it can be annoying especially when crazy targets are set but hey I just up my confidence, sexy and fierce level  and it works, I really feel like I am some super human everytime this happens. Na lie na baba God dey back me up.

My target this quarter is extremely wicked, why would anyone do this to me. the month of love is almost closing up and here I am searching for some crazy billions, for the very first time since I started this 'flirting technique' I call a job, I sincerely wished I was a practicing microbiologist after all my certificate has earned me the rights to be labeled one. I had to think of a plan to meet up, I really am not good at stuttering and I cannot afford to get back into the labour market, hmm how in the world would I be able to afford my 'channel' and 'Prada' not to mention 'my weaves' never!!!!! there must be a company out there who has the kind of money I need to keep me relevant in my field.

I googled a few companies with high profiles and I began my tour, pitching my lines and acing them as usual, the only problem was that, these companies were not half as buoyant as the world views them, some creative accounting practice  have been adopted. I wonder why shareholders of these company cannot enforce the use of forensic accounting techniques, before they know it their investment would have developed skate boards and rolled away anyhu na dem sabi.

I knew I had to be home early and yes I stay with my parents, you see African parents do not allow unmarried female children to stay outside their homes especially when in the same state, welcome to Africa where every unmarried independent woman is viewed as a runs girl, may people who fall in this category receive brain!!!! *flips hair*. Ehen jare, my sister had been back from camp for over a week and we have barely said 10 words, I decided to make it up to her, in fact my mum and married elder sister sent me a text to that effect. Dem no know say I bin dey find billions abi make me sef go Abuja, news carry am say person bin dey share billions one time na.

Yaya and I had so much fun that night, she really did rock service year, I noticed she was more mature, she had the latest apple gadgets and that got me worried.... I could hardly sleep,  I remember she mentioned she travelled to Abuja to chill with her friends during her service year infact she was virtually always there as she did this ghost corper thingy in the state she was deployed too (abeg no report us ooo) though our parents were not aware. So many questions kept popping up, how did she get the money to.... buy all this gadgets...... Hmmm all this rich old men chai, Yaya has joined those high brow sex workers I just kept rolling on my bed and blaming myself for being so much into my job and neglected her, now I have to deal with swallowing this bitter pill, I decided to get my clothes ready, I would be heading to Ibadan ( in between my Dad and I had a big fight because he already called Seun my cousin that I would be at his place for a bit, who sent him? Am I not old enough to choose where I put up?????? HA) to see a potential big fish that could help me enjoy 'the overrated valentine's day' in one piece I just pray he saves my already burning ass by banking with me. I stumbled on my sister's purse, I opened it and alas I saw her own business card, I couldnt believe my eyes ha this young woman has finished me, where did she get the funds to start her own catering outlet, curiousity led me to google it up and too my greatest surprise, pictures of the place depict class. Well, she has something to show for selling herself not like that makes it legal.

You look so much like a very sweet friend of mine, 'my big fish said' he owns one of the biggest hotels in Nigeria, Really I smiled, then he scrolled through this  phone and showed me a picture..... ALAS!!!!! It was Yaya, I was shocked, furious but had to keep calm, so you are one of the men she has been servicing, I said to myself, then I managed to smile and said she's my sister, he got so excited and YES!!!!! I exceeded my target for the quarter in the month of love, thanks to my lil sister's connection... I began to make my findings about this man and realised he really is into women in fact they are so many he doesn't remember most, so I figured my sister must be exceptional in her bedmatic techniques for her face to be in his head.... I am going to kill her once I land...... (Part 2 be out soon, stay glued to the blog... I am sorry for posting late. I love you all).

This thing called 'Depression' II

 (Continued from last post) 

I was forced to sit, the blow of the news that just flowed through my tympanic membrane had weakened my knees. Joan fixed her gaze at me as tears rolled down my eyes uncontrollably. She just stood still, What did your mum have to say? She laughed really hard, she was always on one trip or the other keeping public appearances, especially when he was governor, besides I am not their biological daughter, I was adopted so they screwed me daily. Joan (I said calmly) you need to speak to someone, you need to heal. I am healed already dear at least I am not in some lunatic centre strapped up on any bed. I.... (She cut in) well my psyche might be messed up but I am doing awesomestastically above normal besides we all have what we deal with. Joan but you know you can't keep shopping to make you happy. I can doc!!! (She wiped my tears) Designers go the extra mile to make beautiful designs that satisfies the soul, (she smiled) you need Jesus, I said (she gave me daggers) I don't do religion, my dad is Christian and my uncle is Muslim, yet they both defiled me at a young age, that is not in tandem with any of the holy books!!! Their actions does not kosher with the teachings of their faith, besides Christianity is not a religion, it's a way of life... I try to read the bible... Maybe... That's why I still have a bit of sanity.... (She snaps into another mood) lets go get dressed our movie is starting soon... I already got the tickets. (In my mind) This girl needs help real soon.

The day was an eventful one, I kept thinking of how many shopaholics I knew and kept pondering on the real reason they loved to throw money around, I remembered Demilade and how he loved to get more degrees and make more money, could there be a reason for this? I cast my mind back to when I was in medical school, I had this friend Rume, who was a lesbian, I remember her saying, her partner was the only one who showed her loved and I castigated her for it, not b-o-t-h-e-r-i-n-g to find out the root cause of her actions, maybe no one showed her love and the media depicts love as kissing and sex, so she transferred it to her friend.(judgemental me).

 I rolled again, picked up my phone and called the only man who sends shrills down my spine, or should I say used to. Good to hear from you he said, we exchanged pleasantries and in no time we were gisting as of old again, I slid in the question in the sweetest way ever and he replied baby I just love to update myself besides to please my dad, he always wanted to have a PhD but he fell in love with my step mum and stopped at first degree only, alas! The woman found another man and dumped the poor man, thank God he met my mum but I still see unfulfilment in his eyes. I smiled gracefully! I got my answer already. Demi was trying to lift his father from his sorrow and also ensuring history doesn't repeat itself.

I resumed back to work a better person, I loved people more and instead of judging them for their actions, I took time to delve into the reason for their misstep. My medical director is one rich workaholic and she hates to spend money goodness!!! Her stinginess is epic, we all wondered why she is so tight-fisted. I got close to her and in one of our conversation, she said her mother died without leaving her children anything concrete and her father did not make light of the issue, she vowed from childhood never to be a spent thrift like her mother... 

Depression is experienced by most people, we just have different ways of handling it, some bring out the best of any situation they are in while most of us decide to dwell on the negatives.. I choose to be joyful at all times. I hangout more often, eat right, my man would definitely locate me, the God that created me knew I would be interested in marriage and not being a nun.

My parents called me to come over one evening, I knew my not telling them my single status would come to light one day. I had less make up on to look sober, to my greatest surprise I met Demi and family there and he apologised, the truth is I was not angry with him but I never thought he would realise he was wrong, his extreme measures on acquiring certificates does not guarantee a better future (chai the power of prayer), we fixed a wedding date immediately and my "Apple crusted chocolate Cherry" slid a beautiful piece down my longest left finger. My heart leaped for Joy!!!!! He truly is my last Bus stop he just wanted to pass another route......❤️

This thing called 'Depression'

  I picked up my golden pen (make I use dt old pick up line), I sincerely was out of lines, one thing I knew for sure was that my annual leave would not pass me by this year, after four years of concurrent self less service, I was determined to take my time off, I needed some space to let my hair out, more importantly my wedding should be soon I need to start my window shopping spree before making my choice Abeg I need time off(No b only me be doctor) I scribbled a few lines via email to my medical director, he consented after much plea and by the end of the week, I was dancing into my freedom time. I couldn't wait for the month to be over, the love of my life decided to take me to dinner, he was going to propose I said to myself, I dashed off to buy a fantastic dinner gown that had sexy written all over it, I had not told him I was getting some time off work, I wanted to surprise him, a trip to Zanzibar would be perfect I thought!!!! (Too much Olivia Pope in the system)

   Demilade was looking as strikingly handsome as ever, his appearance always threw me off balance for some seconds.... Chai.... "My last bus stop" effortlessly sends shrills down my spine. Our tenth anniversary was in a bit and his mum has been on our throat to quit dating and tie the knots,(in Btwn, my mother in law to be can be quite a pest when she wants to have her way) half way through our meal, Demi slid his phone to me, I read through the mail... It was his admission for his doctoral program. Con-gra-tu-la-ti-on-s dear I said slowly.... I"ll be away for three years he said, during which I"ll be consulting for a few firms in Germany and the UK.He went on and on about what his dissertation would be about, while I sat there motionlessly I had zoomed into the melancholy mood. (I had to voice out my heart)

    Does this mean I have to wait for another three years before you change my last name and make me bloated? I asked trying to fake a smile He paused then held my left hand( for a moment I thought he was about to put a ring on it) then he said, I really don't have to if I can't as he wouldn't want to delay me!!!!!!! WHAT?????? Demi... (I paused, rushed the glass of white wine down my throat, then looked at him) I understand this quest for you wanting to have the Dr thingy before your name but telling me to go after ten years causally does hurt (I pouted to let air out) Demi held my hand and whispered the word I am sorry but I don't want to keep you much longer I know your biological clock is ticking quite fast these days, it would be unfair of me to deprive you of your happiness. (I really couldn't believe my ears) and you feel this speech of yours is appropriate now? Why did you not give this speech before you travelled for your MBA or Msc? (Tears rolled down my eyes) After all these years, Ademilade, in 5weeks we would be Ten remember! (He tried to utter something, I Cut in) Demi please you can do your PhD online, keep your job and let's start the real thing. (He explained how impossible that is) I knew he wouldn't bulge but him asking me to go if I couldn't wait was demeaning more like he could do without me and I really could not think of a happy life without him, as he drove me home, I realised he wasn't my last bus stop after all.....

    I landed in Dubai, I said no words about my newly attained status to no one not even my mum and as a medical personnel, I was aware that talking to people when depressed is actually the first step to healing. For days  all I did was lay in my hotel room weeping like a woman who just lost her child, I refused to eat anything concrete. I was gradually loosing my mind..... I lost track of my time, hours ran into weeks and still no call from Demi.... After two weeks of despair I decided to shop a bit as I Stil had plans to spend a few days in the U.S., I met a few Nigerian girls at the mall, we got talking they were actually fun and for the first time since Demi chose his career over me I laughed heartily.

    Joan came severally to pick me out, she had so much money to throw around, her friends were exactly like her too buh she seemed more of the money bag I thought. On one of our shopping spree she paid for all our goodies (dt money reach build duplex 4 Naija) I decided to ask her where she work (it's definitely an oil company I said) she smiled and dropped the bomb shell, I don't exactly work dear. (I laughed) then your husband must be very wealthy. Husband!!!! I don't intend to have one!!!! She replied with anger in her voice!!!! You sound bitter!!! (I became concerned) I am not, you know what lets go see a movie she dragged me out of the room forcefully.

  She was definitely hiding something, but I enjoyed the social climb she was spicing my life with, before my depression runs into the acute phase, I still cried a lil at night tho. On this fateful evening I stumbled on my new found friend"s domicillary account balance.... I really almost fainted!! She"s wealthier than some economies. I became very inquisitive and threw the question at her again....... My...... Father is a very wealthy man. He was a senator(rolled her eyes) Madueke. Oh I see.... But you can't keep spending money without investing in something... (She smiled) shopping makes me happy!!! (We both laughed it off)

    She checked me out my hotel room and forced me to live with her in her mansion  (politicians dey chop money sha) I began taking some drugs to help me sleep as that was becoming a difficulty (they were prescribed, say no to self medication) in my sleep, I could hear Joan yell at some dude that really wants to change her last name, I have been trying to cajole her into giving the man a chance but all to no avail, on this day, she cursed him so bad that the effect of the drugs had no choice but to act in opposite direction in me, I yelled back at her, (in anger, I hurriedly said) Joan why are you so bitter? What in God"s holy name has the young man done to you? Why do you hate men? Are you a lesbian? Am almost dying of depression because my man decideded to dump me off after ten years and here you are cursing a responsible man away, you better jump off your high horses and make that switch to reality and quit the shopping spree madness.

   She wept bitterly and said to me, I was raped by my father and uncle for the most productive part of my teenage years!!!!! How am I supposed to love any man with that kind of childhood? Shopping is my method of curing my own heart ache, All this flashy life, partying etc that's where I hide my dark side........(The concluding part would be published next month If Jesus tarries, kindly follow the blog to get immediate update once It is uploaded, thanks)

Editor- Sandra Ihejirika

"Faking Amnesia"

  I am a woman of many friends, me sef know and on the contrary my husband is a man with very few acquaintances, his life is extremely simple. In the event of a family get together, my crew is more than enough to cover for his inadequacy. Well let"s put it in another way, I complete him inl that aspect, even though his acct balance has to constantly face a reduction all thanks to "asoebi" things. I really need to start curtailing spending in that regard o, Biko it's a new year. We must start our building project this year, my friends had better not be angry, me sef one do house warming.
I was in one of my outlets one beautiful afternoon, when an old school mate of mine came shopping; Oluyale I yelled, we hugged, exchange contacts and by the next Saturday being the very friendly person I am, I landed at her house. My husband thinks I actually died of lack of friends in my first life so I decided to acquire as much as I can in this present one and my kids think the same, Na them sabi, I am just expanding my network *I love defending my actions I know*. To my greatest surprise, Yale was married to our school mate Dipo and that was surprising, wow because they were not exactly friends when we were in uni, I remember her not wanting to hang out with us every time we had to go chill. Hmm and I remember Dipo being an extremely flirty flirt. I needed to hear all about how they hooked up. She began the gist but to my amusement, she hated the marriage, She wishes she could turn back the hands of time (I forgot to add I could be blunt and annoying sometimes ) she complained of how she stays at home, how the club is his home, I really wish I had not visited, she was beginning to bore my life, more like a broken record, then she began to cry and then I knew she was seriously not just whining. I placated her for a bit, told her to be strong for her children and continue to pray for him. There's nothing God cannot do I told her.
I pondered on the issue while having dinner and I just thought to myself, Dipo is not to blame ithis case after all Yale was very aware of his cassinova hobby before saying I do, there's nothing he's doing now he did not do in full swing while in uni, Is just like my husband making a big deal out my love of acquiring friends, the first question anyone should ask him is if he is suffering from amnesia. Yale probably decided to marry him because of some kind of pressure whether from family or the environment, well maybe she was just tired of bearing her father's surname or she just might have fallen in love with the hope that he would change. Well I know people especially the male specie do not change just like that but while waiting for him to change to the Prince Charming you originally could not chill to have PLEASE DO NOT FAKE AMNESIA and paint your partner a bad picture, instead find a way to make it work, it really cannot be that bad there must be a positive side that you can dwell on while waiting for the miracle. I would definitely visit her by the weekend and lecture her straight from my heart, she knew what she was getting into, why is she now forming blind bat, my husband tapped me as he realised I was lost in thought and he said "honey what's going on? Have you brought another of those "asoebi's" home again and looking for a way to inform me? I smiled, don't worry he said, I understand that's my baggage and I would gladly carry it but please don't add hypertension to the list. We both laughed it off.

Editor: Sandra Ihejirika