Baddo

 Honestly, my instinct told me to stay in bed all day and watch cartoon with my son but as the “coconut headed Princess” that I am, I shook that thought away and still went ahead with my itinerary for the day. As always  my husband had gone out with the boys leaving me and my son to do whatever we pleased. Sometimes, I wondered what would have become of me if I didn’t have a child in this sham I call a marriage and to think that I was sliding in and out of depression during pregnancy. Who would have thought he’ll brighten up my entire existence?

Without a doubt, pregnancy is a very challenging time for every woman but it becomes worse when you have an unsupportive partner. I remember one time when I was vomiting and my husband did not even bother to help me clean up and when I asked, he told me to stop whining, I’m not the first pregnant woman on earth or should I talk about how he’ll go out all day and not bother to check up on me,even when he knew that I was vomiting quite frequently. Everytime I read about pregnant women stressing their husbands to get them various foods and junks. I laughed then cried because I couldn’t relate. Weirdly, my husband and I had a big fight before he agreed to take me regularly for my ante-natal. Saying I suffered was an understatement but you see God put a smile on my face by giving me a mind blowing job in a multiNational firm. 

The day I got a call from the head of HR, I cried very happy tears. This is because the man I married takes care of some of the home needs and NONE of my personal needs. For many months,  I hated myself for quitting my job and  relocating from Ibadan to Lagos all in the name of love. I remember my line manager asking me repeatedly if I was really sure I wanted to go down that route but I was blindly in love not knowing marriage would cure my blindness quickly. I told my husband I got the job and he laughed and said he was very sure it was scammers because those organisations only recruit very smart people. He had no idea that I had done a series of virtual interviews during-after pregnancy and that I had a God who never failed. 

We had a team hang-out in October at some fancy lounge and while I was trying to navigate my way to our table, a waiter spilled drinks on my very fancy outfit. I was about to bring out my Isale-Eko alter ego when a strikingly handsome man interrupted. We ended up at a nearest store where he bought me a new outfit. I felt love, wanted and happy. I couldn’t remember the last time anyone took me shopping, not even Tom Tom. He asked for my number at the end of the evening and I happily handed him over my phone. He became my regular buddy and soon he met my son. They bonded and we had regular chill-outs together. Infact I had even met some of his close friends and associates and started attending functions in matching Asoebis whilst I was still  very married to my husband. The thing is, I had stopped wearing my wedding ring for a bit, I didn’t feel the need to remind everyone that I’m living in bondage , or isn’t it bondage when your husband only smiles and laughs with you when he needs something but doesn’t care to make the chit-chat a regular habit.

Truth be told, I didn’t think my husband was seeing any other person but he just had a very terrible way at communicating and no matter how hard I tried he never understood my point of view but he regularly enjoyed himself with his friends whilst he left me home and dry, not even a movie night. Interestingly, Rotimi assumed I was a single mother and there’s no way I was going to change that assumption because I was enjoying his attention.

Crazily, Rotimi had picked us up in our home a few times and no I didn’t feel bad. If you don’t spend quality time with your family, somebody else will. My husband should even be grateful that I still respect our vows and have not turned on the sexual button in my new relationship.

We landed in Rotimi’s best friend's house and we were chastising him for his womanizing pedigree. He then whispered that we should change our topic as he has a new bAe in his room and he intends to make this permanent. Rotimi, Myself and even my son couldn’t wait to see the special one. We were very curious as to how she made our baddo fall in love with her. Finally, she made her appearance and she turned out to be my husband’s immediate sister……. Yes you read right… my very own sister in law and no I wasn’t ashamed, I was just too scared of losing Rotimi….

Wonders 2

 Kayanmata keh!!! No, I'm definitely dreaming. How can Bola….but  we used to call out those who patronise these people. How can she drive down this shady route and conceal this information from me??? I patiently typed kayanmata on her search button and alas I realised Bola was indeed skilled at sourcing for these people. She had bought several of their products and they regularly kept her posted when new products were available.

Isn’t it crazy that I was almost about to lose my mind because I never got tangible gifts from anyone. Whereas the Bola that was always rubbing it in my face was using dubious methods to extort men who fell into her trap. This life ehn but wait, Bola has always been blessed with good men even from our sophomore year in university or has she been using Kayanmata since then? What if she’s in a cult? 

Bola walked in and understood that I had seen something I wasn’t supposed to. I stared straight into her eye balls as I was itching for an explanation. I needed answers to why I wasn’t informed of her new experiment with diabolical items. She bursted into tears and gave a very vague explanation. I knew there was more, there had to be, something must have led to this crazy behaviour. I needed something concrete, a background story, something that must have pushed her into this route but all I understood from all her blabbings was nothing but pure greed.

Bola wanted a baby girl lifestyle without wanting to put in the work. Her eyes are fixed on owning a property in banana island before the new year and her only claim to a legitimitate income is my company that she funds heavily. The crazy thing is she’s always reinvesting her profits, that’s to show you how much this Kayanmata business is booming for her. I honestly thought I knew her, I could vouch for her, this girl was supposed to be my partner in everything. My life is just filled with shitty people. I can’t even boast of a good friend. 

I was honestly speechless at this point of our conversation, she suddenly looked different to me, I didn’t even know how to react, I was just lost, disappointed and ashamed. like how in the world did I miss this? How can I go on calling her bestie, when I really didn’t even know her. I even honestly want her to pull out of our business as her views and mine are clearly parallel lines. 

Well, I decided to pull my thoughts together and act cool. Afterall, wisdom is critical in dealing with difficult situations. So I smiled and acted like it’s fine. Bola then knelt down and dropped the biggest bombshell of the entire decade with tears flowing down her eyes. She mentioned that I sprayed a perfume of hers in 200 level and she’s quite certain that’s why men don’t buy me pricey gifts because I ought to have sprayed it with my left and not my right hand. 

Ayemio!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonders

God bless whoever invented leave days, my whole body was already shutting down gradually from stress, that my overbearing boss has forgotten that some of us run other businesses and still need time to mingle so that we can exit the spinsterhood lifestyle.

The crazy thing is although I have a boyfriend, I’m honestly better off without one. For heaven's sake Paul has never made me a priority and like my blunt bestie would say, no one I have ever dated has made me feel like a Queen. On the other hand my Bola gets men to literally move the world for her.

At almost 30 years of age, no one has ever bought me flowers, talk more of a fancy restaurant. I remember when Paul made a whooping 20 million Naira profit and I asked him to invest just one million in my business, he bluntly refused. This is a business he knows would do exceedingly well with more funds but thank God for Bola in my life and my savings from my Job. I’ll just have been a pauper girlfriend to a rich boyfriend. Nollywood for use my story catch cruise.

I remember how overjoyed I was when Paul took me to what my blunt Bola describes as a two star restaurant to celebrate his 20 million profit from his real estate hustle. I was too glad that finally “my level don elevate from mama-put to fancy restaurant”. As usual Bola was so pissed when I told. In her words, she claims I’m too nice to the men I’m with and men don’t like nice women. They prefer the wicked ones, the ones they have to chase endlessly.

Undoubtedly, I know Paul is not the one I want to spend the rest of my life with because he’s too stingy. This is a guy I go out of my way to please almost all the time. Not even one pricey thing from him, the best I get on my birthday is cake and trust me I'd have been reminding him for two months. Sometimes I pay the delivery fees myself and it’s not like he gives me quality time. It’s high time I end this falsehood going on. It’s better to be hungry than to eat poisoned food.

Bola moved in with me to console me, she’s very happy I broke up with Paul but she knows I’ll still wail for weeks even though I know I did the right thing. More importantly, she’s here to monitor our business as she’s a partner in my company. Suddenly, she screamed my name Tumiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! I almost jumped into pouring hot boiling water on myself. She handed over the phone to me and alas my world came crashing.

I was quiet for the better part of the day and Bola did everything she could to get me out of my mood but my brain kept replaying what I had just seen. Paul bought his new girl an IPhone 13 pro max and the funny thing is he blocked me from his ig account. I’m honestly not mad that he has moved on so quickly. My pain is that I literally begged this man to fund my business when his real estate was still booming and he said No but he could cough out this much on a phone for his new girlfriend, while I got nothing tangible for the last 3 years. Wow…. Just wow….

This incident took me down memory lane and I realised I’m honestly not worth shit… no man I have been with has ever bought me anything worthy of the gram and I’m not one of those who depend on men for money, in fact I even do more of the spending and when they start winning in life, the first thing they change is me….

If Bola knew this was how I'd react, I’m sure she'd never have shown me. I cried non-stop for days, refused to eat, couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I tried. I felt other girls were made of diamond while I was a mixture of wood and granite. My days became dark and my heart filled with too many questions.

Bola’s boyfriend came visiting and after sitting in silence with me for about 120 minutes. He drove us to a psychiatrist. I was admitted and my journey to wholeness began. Talking to my psychiatrist was a chore, I didn’t even know what to say, I just wanted to be left alone and stare into space but with time I understood my environment and realised I had gradually devalued myself because the men in my life were ass holes. 

I got better and it was time to be discharged, thanks to quality health care and I decided to surprise my friend with my arrival. She has been my rock in this turbulent time I had just overcome. My psychiatrist obliged me and offered to drop me at my place as she was still there. 

Bola was still in her towel when I arrived, she was too pleased to see me smiling. I spotted some soap on her back, so she ran off to wash it. I entered my room, thanked God that depression was now a thing of the past in my life. I picked up Bola’s phone because I needed to call my phone to find it. 

Shockingly, a message from an unstored number telling her that the ‘Do as I say’ complete package is now available and that it’s no longer 200 000 but 300 000 but because she’s a long time customer she can pay 280 000. I couldn’t believe my eyes.. so my bestie patronises Kayanmater sellers!!!!! 

Wonders will never end!!!!!!.

Instagram handle @dr_temielsie