Ethics kwa?

Imagine the freaking hypocrisy? Can Nigerians just pause for a bit and deep think this bbnaija ish, before they start throwing jabs. You’ll  realise it’s a reflection of our society but “mbanu” we have to play holier than thou because we are afraid to admit we too, kiss on our first date. Even my friend Tobiloba who’s currently shagging her friends father is forming moral compass on her whatsapp status. Let me just drop this phone before I cast her this evening.

Eno sef dey call person “opportunist”(laughs) this must be a joke. E-n-o same Eno that you must reward either financially or service wise if she runs a favour. Let me drop this phone abeg, I’m not about to subscribe to this bi-polar shenanigans my people are pulling on WhatsApp. This Bola wey make  life difficult for me all through last year sef dey form say person get bad character... weh done sir! Go and audition next year, let’s see if you’ll survive one week without twitter dragging your parents for not raising you well.

My mother’s  text interrupts my surfing bliss and of course... oh wait! It’s not her usual bants about getting a second degree. OMG! My cousin intro! Wawu! Daisy is getting married. Wow! I’m so glad, at least her parents can let her breathe in peace now. Chai! Daisy has suffered in their hands. Imagine being the first girl of 4 and all your younger siblings have kids in their husbands home. While you’re there just rocking your single life in torments. Aunty don *God when* taya for my ear. Let me go and pick out a statement dress for this beautiful occasion, destiny may find me there. Hmmm I think I’m happy with bae abeg. Our craze blend! But Daisy nor try sha, she did not even deem it fit to call me and gist me about our in-law and na me be her *consoler general* o. She see man na, she ex my side. I go call am..........

I couldn’t stop thinking about my conversation with Daisy and of-course my heart beat. He’s probably right, she’s hiding something. That’s the only reason she has been keeping her distance and forming busy. Abi is she pregnant? Ehn even if she is, I’ll not condemn her, even Jesus condemns no one. I just hope this her husband is not one of those shady men. It’ll be horrible for her to have waited for this long, only to end up with the wrong one. God forbid her experience pain in marriage after all that emotional abuse she had to endure at her parents all because she had no suitor. Nigerian Parents ehn! God will help them and this marriage matter. I think what strikes me most is that, some of these parents, especially mothers are freaking unhappy in their homes and if they could reverse the hands of time, they would have focused on their careers and married men who they wanted but yet they keep forcing marriage on women as if it’s some sort of reward for living. Sigh biko let me go n prepare for my onboarding task tomorrow before my boss would ask me to fire myself.

My mother almost made me bring bae, just in a bid to tell the world that her daughter is quarter to marry, I nor gree. First, even though bae and I are great, he has not popped the question yet. I cannot start forming wife, when I’m just a girl friend. I might even meet an eligible bachelor ready to commit, I wouldn’t want to ruin my chances... mbanu. Bae was even ranting on why he should come with us, I just hushed him up with the *Alaye jor jor* slang. He should use his common sense to know, that to attend family functions with me, I gotta see a shinny studded sliver circle on the appropriate finger.

Fred!!! Wait! Fred is Daisy’s man!!!! Tufiakwa! I was so uneasy all through the ceremony. I couldn’t wait for it to end. Men are wicked????? Ha! How can he even be so cruel? Bae has almost killed my phone with calls and messages reminding me about the ethics of my profession. Ethics kwa? He has asked me to remain calm and be diplomatic in my approach. But abeg na my family she be, I don’t freaking care, if CIPM like make dem collect my certificate. This wedding will not hold and I’ll bring out hard core evidence. How can be HIV positive and he’ll want to marry my cousin. O lord, I just hope they’ve not been making out. If only her parents were more lenient, she would have taken her time to study the bastard.

I went straight to my cousin, Fred was trying to form familiarity but trust me, my eye balls gave him all the response he needed. He’s HIV positive Daisy, I have his files, you cannot marry him. Ill bring you evidence, I’ll print his medical report on Monday and....... she cut me short and whispered into my ears. It’s a contract marriage! Don’t fret! I just need this people off my back and even  if I get infected, I honestly don’t care. I’ll use their anti-retro viral drugs to control it. All I want is to be married at-least,  so my own immediate family can accept me. Tears roll down her eyes.

Yoga gone wrong....

Should I just cancel my other sessions and stick to yoga? Naaaaa....my overly smart husband would start to sniff and woe betides me if he ever finds out, he’ll probably strangle me and have his father’s boys dump my body somewhere far away from civilisation.


Gbadebo and I have been married for nine years, it was my dream to be his Mrs. but never did I know I’ll one day think of opting out. I can’t work, can’t go out without my aids, can’t use a public gym, must wear only designer labels, no privacy as all my social media accounts are subjected to constant checks by the head of security and my husband- even Whatsapp!







Marrying into a rich and powerful family sure has more negatives than positives. The world only admires the material things and prestige they presume you enjoy, they have no clue about the pain, neglect and fear you are constantly subjected to.

My father-in-law is a very wealthy man, his name opens almost all doors beyond the shores of this country, his net worth would take Africa away from penury forever. Interestingly, he’s not a politician, has never been one and to the best of my knowledge he’s not aspiring to be one but every politician who aspires to be great calls him ‘The god father’.



I have made up my mind to relieve my boredom with my yoga instructor John, infact I opened a secret email where all our chats flow through, he’s the sweetest being on earth and he makes my heart leap for joy, I can’t wait to explore my sexual fantasies with him but the security at my house would not let me be great and hey! you’re not allowed to judge me cos you commit a different sin than I do. Remove the log in your eyes first, while I map out a plan.



YASSSS!!!! My husband fell for it, called him up to explain that my friends, Tosin and Dolly P planned a getaway, he allowed me to attend and even offered to pay for our girls trip after all he won’t be back from his trip till much later in the month. I called my crazy Dolly P whose expensive lifestyle is furnished by her baby daddy and intimated her of my plans. She almost had a seizure.



The plan was pretty simple, I was going to stage a rape incident, John and his friend would come into my room, John would have me and his friend would have Dolly P, so my husband doesn’t suspect anything, Tosin on the other hand is going through a tough time in her marriage, she’s been officially tagged barren as her husband mistress just bore him a child. So I’m sure she’ll just remain in her room and monitor sales in her shop, while myself and the crazy Dolly P gossip and tour away.



John walked and his friend walked into my room, while Tosin was pouring out her heart to me, I was trying to signal John to stop his friend from having Tosin, it did not occur to me to send him Dolly P’s picture, now I’m going to have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life.The sharpest pain I have ever felt engulfed my body, I screamed like I was about to be butchered, John and his friend fled the scene but not before finishing the act. I couldn’t move, I laid there lifeless, for a second I thought that was the end. I rolled over to the other side of my bed, Tosin was slowly dragging herself to help me up, Dolly P walked in and hurriedly rushes to help me up, They both suddenly paused and stared at the bed sheet with shock written all over their faces.



I turned to see what could be so strange, did John leave his ID card or drop a flower? Alas! it dawned on me that I had omitted the most important thing in executing my silly plan... how do I explain to my friends that I had just 
lost my virginity even though I had been married for nine years and have two children who call me mummy?



Credit:
All Images: from Google
Instagram handle : @temielsie

EXCUSASHIONSHIP

Girls are truly no longer smiling, a friend of mine just opened the biggest furniture, fashion and food outlet in Lekki and Ikeja axis of Lagos, I was totally stunned  at the combination, the team and I had to sharply change her name to triple threat with a bang (TTB) and this my girl still has a 9-5 ‘fortune 500’ job. I really need to start selling something or doing something extra. I need to make extra cash, this my salary cannot fund my travelling around the world fantasies but my head has never brought up any idea that can fetch money, I guess I’m only good at my job and of course thinking about one man, whose alter ego is in love with me.

I have been in love with Tola since forever, he’s been my back and forth lover, the truth is I am even scared to call him that in public before he tells me he has never asked me out or something worse. I doubt I can survive if he embarrasses me but who am I deceiving, I’m just his occasional lover, he’ll probably run off with some ‘over-woke girl’ when he’s ready to walk down the aisle and give me a sub story, that’s if he even considers me worthy enough for an explanation but he’s not a total ‘kill joy’, he has his seasons though my friends think he looks at me with ‘tender eyes….’ I have never interpreted his stares that way, all I see is a man who hiding under his alter ego to give me false hope of a forever that may never see the sun kiss the earth.

Shade was super tired of hearing me say anything about Tola, she thinks I should talk to him about it, in her words it’s better to know where you stand, it’s a the first step to moving on and giving better men a chance to blow your mind but bikonu (please) how do you twenty-first century children ask men out???????????????? I tried, I really t-r—i—e—d, the words were not just coming out, this was two years ago and for some crazy reason I feel I should try it now, its 2-0-1-8 and let’s just say social media has helped make me a ‘passive wokee’. I told Shade I was going to see him and she didn’t even let me finish before she yelled ‘‘I think Tola is either secretly married or has a girlfriend’ no one ignores a semi good girl like you for this long, leave him alone aah’’. I laughed and then tears rolled down my eyes it was a quick slide from happy to sad, she hugged me and for the first time I saw how sorry she was for my ‘love life’ that’s if what I have qualifies to bare that title.

I sincerely love T-o-l-a and he has told me severally ‘he likes me a lot too’. I know he’s busy with work and career advancement, that’s why he doesn’t call and check-up as often as……………….. here I go again making excuses for him, that’s one thing I have perfected over the years, Shade once called what I share with Tola an ‘excusashionship’. I brought out the ring I bought to propose to Tola and Shade almost passed out.  She begged me not to do it in public so if he declines, I don’t get the embarrassment of my destiny! We hugged, she started to cry too and she made me promise I wouldn’t do anything stupid, if he turned me down.

I got the best face beat of my life and was about to slide into my car and drive when Shade chased me into the cab she already ordered, I was a hundred percent sure she thought he’ll decline but I was somehow excited and hopeful. I landed in Tola’s house and the shock on his face could give an African parent a heart attack, he was watching the latest season of ‘How to get away with murder’ fortunately I hadn’t seen it so we snacked and watched, one of his friends came to spoil the moment by visiting and to my greatest surprise, Tola asked me to come say hi to him in the sitting room, I was feeling like a wife already, I landed back on his bed and let the guys continue their talk but instead of watching the series, I decided to read his messages, some were from random girls seeking his attention, he wasn’t giving them any green light but was sure leading them on but nothing major and somehow I decided to read mother’s conversation and to my greatest surprise she asked him if he had used his anti-retroviral drug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I started to run temperature, vomit and stool all at once, I cast my mind to the conversation I heard on radio, the presenter actually said Nigeria has the largest number of HIV positive humans In the world and I basically laughed it off, wait when was he going to tell me?  At this point the series was doing the watching, I couldn’t wait to run away from this devil in human flesh, maybe that’s why he was hesitant, first I need to take a test just to be double sure.

Tola came in, he wanted to feed me from his cup, I faked a sneeze and while I closed my eyes to cough heartily, he had knelt down and asked me the question I had been waiting for all my life……I stared into his eyes and wondered, what crime my ancestors had committed for this demon in human form to want to destroy me but something in me still felt like hugging him and saying YES!!!!!! 

Images: Google
Instagram handle @temielsie

GiDi Chronicles-

Just when I thought I had seen It all in the city of Lagos, a man selling groundnut wearing a bespoke suit appears, k—a—I!! well creativity should not be limited to white collar jobs but ‘brother packaging’, me don get customer, my customer ran to meet me, sold my usual portion, I gave him extra cash as always, there was something charming about him, I don’t know why I have not helped him get off street hawking, maybe fear, all the stories I have heard about people helping and getting killed wont probably let me ply that route. I chewed the groundnut passionately and pondered on how to go about it. My husband would not subscribe to having a stranger in our home, especially because he has no elite status, I think he’s a good boy and diligent too, come rain and sunshine he’s always here.

My husband is a super strict, a no-nonsense man, even his kids are always careful to act prim and proper when he is home, my first daughter asked me the other day, why did you marry daddy? I laughed so hard, A—l—e—x is quite tough but I know how to handle my thing? No be me marry am. When we first got married I really wanted a driver, for Christ’s sake I was married to a money bag, I had to show off in school, my husband gave me the first shock of my life, ‘’he simply asked why I needed one when I could drive? I don’t encourage wasteful spending and I never want to be reminded of this silly request, get me my food woman’’ he said. I just stood there like a fool.

I woke up super early one beautiful morning, I had gone shopping the previous day, I slid into a bodycon teal gown, I made breakfast and made up like I was just about to say ‘I Do’. Then I ran off to the car started reversing, brought out my phone and began my snap chat video I made sure I did both simultaneously, I was praying he followed me or watched me from the window. His call interrupted my video and yes he assigned his driver to me while his HR fixed him another, from then on, I learnt how to play my cards strategically.

Tonia my very good friend, actually thinks my man is seeing someone else and wants me to monitor his every move. She has no clue that I don’t give a flying hoot, provided I don’t catch them on my bed, I am cool with his side chicks besides he is too serious minded to engage in such dirty activities and even if he is, nothing can make me leave all this fortune, mbanu! Alex has changed my life, built houses for my parents, sent all my siblings abroad to study, my bank account keeps increasing by the day, I cannot leave him ooooo if he likes he should straf all the women in the world he should just not bring HIV home.

I was driving home one Thursday evening when I saw my groundnut seller arguing with another an okada man who had hit him and thrown all his groundnut on the floor, I packed beckoned on him to let the man go asked him to come into the car and off I was driving him to my house, he told me his story and I could relate we were just a little above their condition in my home  before Alex found me in my third year and married me, God bless the organisers of those career talks in my school. On getting home, my security guard briefed me, my man was back, I already explained to my groundnut seller my husband is a bit of a harsh man and we immediately cooked up a lie that he’s my distant cousin from my mother side and I sent a text to my mother on the spot so that she can corroborate my story.

We entered my sitting room,  B—r—o---d---a!!!!!!!!!!! The groundnut seller yelled and started to weep, My husband walked out of the living room angrily. I was confused and asked him to explain what he meant by brother because my husband is an only child. He cried some more, he explained how their parents were suffering in the village and my brother ran away from home at the age of 15 and never looked back, one of their uncles got his contact and when he called him, Alex told him bluntly never to reach him again. I was in shock, the person he described was totally different from my man, he married me despite my poor background although my packaging in university then did not depict that, but he didn’t leave me when I revealed my financial status back then instead he bought us a new house and changed our lives, why couldn’t he do same for his o-w-n people. Wait a minute, so his relatives at our wedding were r-e-n-t-e-d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I summoned up courage and asked him to get straight with me and alas my darling Alex lied to his guardian that he was an orphan, in other to keep up with this lie he severed his relationship with his biological relatives. Poverty is truly a bastard! I couldn’t get mad at him, I forgave him before he asked, I just made him promise never to keep any secret from me while I made the same vow.

My mom, Alex’s brother and myself landed in Delta, I couldn’t believe Alex’s parents languished in poverty while their son flourished in abundance, my husband is e-v-i-l, he could have found a way to reach out to them. We apologised on his behalf, they forgave him, more like they forgave his money, we moved them to the city and from that day on their life changed.

I collapsed on getting to Lagos that evening, as the drive was a tedious one, the doctor said I needed blood and giving my rare blood group, getting my father was the fastest solution. I woke up suddenly to hear my mother and Alex’s father in a heated conversation. My unknown secret came to play, I realised that very minute, my husband was my half-brother (multi-taking at its peak) the sad part is, all I could think off was how to act like the information received was not understood all because of money, chai! I have finally sold my soul to material things and my mum swore me to secrecy, only if she knew I had no plans of telling a soul, she wouldn't have bothered herself but really I feel sorry for my dad because I'm his favourite child, I just wonder how many humans are in similar situation or should I tell him??????????????????????????????

                                               

CREDIT

IMAGES: Google

INSTAGRAM HANDLE: @Temielsie

YOUTUBE PAGE: Elsie's diaries

Gidi Chronicles: Winking Tolerance

I was tidying up my desk on this beautiful Tuesday evening, I was going to hang around a bit before heading home, maybe try a new restaurant, I just got paid, I’m allowed a self treat. My office had become a comic center, my "yeye' 'I know it all colleague'' had just been shamed by our new intern. I know right... 'An intern' was all he needed to be shamed kai...Gbenga made life a living hell for us all, he knew it all, every other person's idea was crap and because he was one of the landlords of our office, we all had to tolerate him and smile like he had the most brilliant ideas when infact all he does is tweak our ideas and present them to the board as his, and most times the ideas he presents are tweak free but the credit still goes only to him.

We came up with a plan to deal with him, it was simple, we just stopped giving him ideas, the sad part is, we had already produced ideas that would last twenty-five weeks, we were all counting down to his 'big shame day'. Every time he asked us for our new ideas, we just kept beating around the bush. I had learnt the hard way,  the crazy and malicious competition that goes on  in Gidi offices. One minute you are playing with your colleague the next minute he/she is reporting you to an official that can get you fired. I sincerely couldnt deal, I'm all for the healthy competition that propels you to be a better version of you but this scheming and hate was definitely beyond me. It felt like we were all competing for the non-existent staff of the year award and the fact that they all acted like BFFs just made me cringe.

The intern was our life saver, God bless outspoken rich kids, we were having our board meeting, remember I said we all agreed that no ideas till we embarrass Gbenga, little did I know I was probably just an over obedient child, even before the CEO asked for ideas, my so called BFFs started this crazy rant, that sounded like gibberish to me, I simply just zoned out and took a trip to fantasy, when I suddenly heard, FUCKING CRAP!!!!!!!! even my CEO was tongue tied, by the time the intern started with his idea, I was thrilled as God would have it, I had thought about something similar so I helped embellish his idea and YES!! we got the accolade they were about to kill for. My shoulders became balanced and I walked around with the "I am the boss'' attitude and ofcourse the BFFs were raving jealous they had no clue, I could be a super bitch. Gbenga was in his most sober mood, I suddenly became his consultant in the coming weeks, he sought my opinion on e-ve-ryt-hing and I smiled at him scornfully.

My house-mate buzzed me, in falsetto style , she literally ordered me to run home, she had a huge jaw dropping surprise for me. So I jumped on a bike to beat traffic, nothing ever excited Tinuke, she’s too much of a cynicist, I nick-named her kill-joy, whatever it is must be the surprise of the year. I landed In my house and the surprise greeted me, our friend who had been touring Europe with her boo had landed with many goodies, I hugged her heartily, she slowly showed me her new bling, Femi had proposed and three of us were screaming and yelling at the top of our voices. We began planning immediately, picked colours and found our way to the aso-ebi Bella page, we  chose our bridal train outfit, then the who would be your chief bridesmaid question popped up, Simi was at a crossroad……….

I couldn’t sleep that night, I wondered how and when I lost my moral compass, first it was joining the unhealthy competition gang at the office, I used to be a super blunt person, I naturally would have just stood out but I joined, I condemned others for doing the same thing I had become a master in, I had changed even without me knowing, my personal credo did not even count and somehow I had learnt to silence my conscience. I was scared for me, I was scared that soon I might be on the way to doom Island and the society would cheer me even Tinuke ‘the social media activist’ always calling people out and condemning them for one morally wrong thing or the other was on the ‘Femi’ train, she even tweeted it. I wondered if she too, was having a hard time sleeping  or maybe I missed ‘my twenty-first century wokeness’ pill today and that’s the reason why my moral compass made an appearance because even my laptop was a gift from a friend whose fraudulent online scam is not hidden from me. 

 

I knew Simi’s relationship with Femi was wrong and suddenly the trip to Europe and the bling, made it right. How would I feel, if I was in his wife’s shoe, but I guess it’s fine because I am not in it. My friend had hopelessly fallen in love with persistence Femi after her boyfriend had dealt with her terribly, we had eaten free meals and gotten free stuff from Femi as friends of the girl friend. We even had her call him to take us out on our lazy days and never did it occur to me that I was on the part way of destroying a home. I once learnt that a winking tolerance in unethical behaviour makes you as guilty as the offender, It’s crazy how the society encourages you to do wrong and still condemns you for the same act, maybe if we all decide not to attend the wedding we would help save the poor woman’s marriage, just maybe if we learn to call a spade a spade we would help make the world a better place.

I woke up at past one am and I realised that whole 'moral compass' thing was a dream, I decided to roll over to the right hand side of the bed when Femi  kissed my forehead, ....I had no clue how we started screwing but I I liked the adventure and ending what we shared was not even in my books, but first let's go plan his wedding with my bestie......... Shall we?



IMAGE CREDIT: GOOGLE

INSTAGRAM HANDLE: @TEMIELSIE

Gidi Chronicles: Paranoia

Gidi is a hustle city, there's a popular saying that goes thus: if you dont make it gidi, you cant make it anywhere else, false to me though, you can probably make it on wall street but even to get the visa and funds required to land there requires serious hustling, a lot of people capitalize on this and have created their own avenue to earn a living by dupping people. Its super crazy, my friend just got called by a number that her bvn (Bank verification number) has been blocked and she needs to pay some certain amount to unblock it, my girl yelled "You are a learner'' or one time where my friends and I went 'sushing' and some guy was posing by her car and dangling keys, the dude was also forming some billion talk on the phone, he then said made an attempt to get her number, she played along, gave him a fake number, whilst he was trying to dial it, she pushed him entered the car and drove off, you wont believe the guy had the effrontery to hail us, no more shame in this city. Scammers on the loose! beware!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when I thought I had heard it all from scammers, the various types of ponzi and pyramid schemes came to play and are still playing. I was of the opinion the wailing last Decemeber would have taught people harsh lessons, I was wrong. In gidi people only wail for the moment, all that matters is making fast money, gidicians opt for the easy way to cashing out and that's why the entertainment industry is saturated with new entrants and the some industries are almost going into extinction. Heart breaks is no news in gidi, infact if your bae has not misbehaved gidicians think she/he is super smart, there's no such thing as being faithful. love died in Romeo and Juilet or love perished in titanic, thats what gidician would yell at you when you mention the 'l word'.

I have been heart broken a few times and I decided to take a break from love matters not because I think love is dead but because I decided to ask myself salient questions, like why do I attract the wrong men? I found me in the process and learnt some good habits. I met Tunde at a seminar, we bonded and he wanted my number, I skilfully faked a phone call its a gidi thing #wink and ran off in my cab but somehow he got my number and we kept in touch so regularly that 'my circle of besties' were oozing with jealosy. I bluntly refused to hang out with him but he was persistent and finally I agreed, he made me choose a venue, I chose my usual spot and we both looked forward to the day.

I walked into Hard rock Cafe, I knew I was definitely 'burgering' away, I ordered for two and began chatting with my friend Eno whose house is just some minutes drive, she became my date for the afternoon when Tunde called that something came up, we ate to our fill, I landed back in my room and decided to visit Joro's blog, I had promised my friend, I'll get acquainted with the page before our montly hang out at Hard Rock Cafe, I read some many unbelivable stories till I stumbled on the summary of my frienship with Tunde. It was all too familiar, how we met at a seminar up to how I fixed our meeting at Hard rock to 'run him down',  how he cleverly called and left me, he even wrote he knew another guy would have fallen victim because 'I am pretty' and he hoped I had ordered what I coould not afford, so I can get the embarrassment of my life.

I was going to call him and lash him. I know the city is filled with mistrust but guy I can pay my bills, and the silly commenters had their keyboards typing crap, he actually thought I was faking when I told him I was awaiting my uber. Rubbish!  the only reason I dont have a car is because my parents think I would scare men away, and thats the same reason I have not enrolled for a doctorate degree either. After I had finished ranting, I came to a conclusion Tunde is probably jaded, maybe a girl had scammed his future badly, so he is extra paranoid, I just slid into a comfy gown and went to see a movie and behold Tunde, his wife and his four kids were sitting right next to me, he even had the nerve to introduce her to me as his wife, while blowing me a kiss.....



Instagram handle: @temielsie

Youtube Chanel: @olaoluwaumukoro

Image and gif credit: Google

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GiDi Chronicles:Episode 1

Every  gidician   would agree with me that packaging   is a way of life in this city. You must package till you make it, I'm all for packaging, looking good is always good business but life has shown me there's a thin line between packaging, packlying and fakeness. My bestie met one guy that claimed to be the all and all of one popular PR firm, being the detective she is, she found out the dude was lying and all he could say was that he was only prophesisying, he could not even lie properly, Ronke dumped his ass but not before making him pay heavily at a hifalutin resturant and as always I tagged along. Ronke and I have been friends since undergraduate days and at masters level we gladly deceived people we were relatives, sometimes sisters, sometimes cousins, whatever noun came out first. Ronke is a proper spoilt child, she's the only child of her parents, her mum is forever in the states and her mighty house in Osborne is home for me, her father and herself, yet she is very humble, no yeye accent forming even though she has travelled round the world, infact her father sponsored our last two summer trips,  I sincerely thought this r factor thing was only exhibited by women and girls who have low self esteem issues, 'yes, you have esteem issues if you fake an accent, I'm in my house come and beat me'. Then shockingly some men in baby body jumped on the trend.

I can go on and on about people who from over packaging jumped into fakeness, without even noticing, I sincerely assumed that every private hostel student had wealthy parents or relatives, shock paid me a visit when I discovered that most of them paid their fees from runs!!! ehen even runs is packaging, formerly it was called prostitution. These days we have packaged so many wrong professions into attractive packages and made it almost diffcult for people to say no. I sometimes just think of how much money these girls make, mehn maybe I should just join them, Ronke is quick to remind me of my moral values when I want to go down that route. is not like any man I dated was worth it.... I was on my own, waiting for Ronke to come and pick me from my faculty, when this gbogbgo big girl of town came up to me and asked me to loan her some money. I looked at her, the aunty was carrying the latest Iphone, her Manolo blahnik bag and fendi pumps were screaming  'I cost a fortune'  and her Tahari gown was beautiful balanced on her cinched body. I know you'll ask how I know these designers,  I take out time to know this things so when I hammer, i'll slay well, besides how am I suppose to contribute to grandiose conversations when Ronke forces me to all  her elite gatherings. I looked at Mariam and wondered, how I was supposed to loan her money when she's looking like a million Euro's and I the lender looking like a thousandnaire, it got me thinking, I am sure some people most have missed their helpers through fake lifestyles.


I overheard some girls talking about how their customer increased their pay because they landed in uber select rides, so I figured overpackging/fakeliving worked for some. Ronke came in and announced her seondary school re-union was happening soon and by the time she received her levy, I had to ask her if they were flying in their chairs from Maldives, I am not understanding, infact I doubt they paid that much per session when they were students. I knew I was tagging along, I had to help her eat her share because my friend is Miss fit fam and she aint joking with her diet, she has an hour glass shape her boyfriend lives for, Emmanuel loves to show her off ehn...kai.We landed at the reunion venue, it was not bad, as usual both men and women were dressed to impress, the whole point of the union was to show off, you could see how they struggled to act like they were some foreign breed or just landed from their private jets, the part that got me laughing was when they were asked to introduce theirselves mehn see forming, three many ceo's. one of them claimed to have studied in Dubai yet she possessed a konk british accent. I couldnt deal. I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was an old neighbour, her face was all painted like it was her wedding, we hugged, gisted and gossiped she gave me gist and kept me company while Ronke was busy ensuring everyone was satisfied. I then told my old neighbour, Ronke invited me, she then said her brother is her boyfriend.... I laughed, somebody must have packaged himself to deceive Tonia, I then told her, she is an only child. she laughed at me heartily.

Tonia explained to me that the man I think is Ronke's father is her sugar daddy, her parents disowned her when they started dating during her jamb lesson days, and the man had been paying her bills, she even showed me family pictures and the resemblance between her brother and herself is glaring enough as proof. I suddenly became full, very full. I couldnt believe I did not notice, but she has a boyfriend,...but... I.... well...the good thing is that we still have parents who are not money blinded but how am I supposed to remain friends with her and act like, this information did not just breeze through my ears.

Instagram handle: @temielsie.....
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