GiDi Chronicles-

Just when I thought I had seen It all in the city of Lagos, a man selling groundnut wearing a bespoke suit appears, k—a—I!! well creativity should not be limited to white collar jobs but ‘brother packaging’, me don get customer, my customer ran to meet me, sold my usual portion, I gave him extra cash as always, there was something charming about him, I don’t know why I have not helped him get off street hawking, maybe fear, all the stories I have heard about people helping and getting killed wont probably let me ply that route. I chewed the groundnut passionately and pondered on how to go about it. My husband would not subscribe to having a stranger in our home, especially because he has no elite status, I think he’s a good boy and diligent too, come rain and sunshine he’s always here.

My husband is a super strict, a no-nonsense man, even his kids are always careful to act prim and proper when he is home, my first daughter asked me the other day, why did you marry daddy? I laughed so hard, A—l—e—x is quite tough but I know how to handle my thing? No be me marry am. When we first got married I really wanted a driver, for Christ’s sake I was married to a money bag, I had to show off in school, my husband gave me the first shock of my life, ‘’he simply asked why I needed one when I could drive? I don’t encourage wasteful spending and I never want to be reminded of this silly request, get me my food woman’’ he said. I just stood there like a fool.

I woke up super early one beautiful morning, I had gone shopping the previous day, I slid into a bodycon teal gown, I made breakfast and made up like I was just about to say ‘I Do’. Then I ran off to the car started reversing, brought out my phone and began my snap chat video I made sure I did both simultaneously, I was praying he followed me or watched me from the window. His call interrupted my video and yes he assigned his driver to me while his HR fixed him another, from then on, I learnt how to play my cards strategically.

Tonia my very good friend, actually thinks my man is seeing someone else and wants me to monitor his every move. She has no clue that I don’t give a flying hoot, provided I don’t catch them on my bed, I am cool with his side chicks besides he is too serious minded to engage in such dirty activities and even if he is, nothing can make me leave all this fortune, mbanu! Alex has changed my life, built houses for my parents, sent all my siblings abroad to study, my bank account keeps increasing by the day, I cannot leave him ooooo if he likes he should straf all the women in the world he should just not bring HIV home.

I was driving home one Thursday evening when I saw my groundnut seller arguing with another an okada man who had hit him and thrown all his groundnut on the floor, I packed beckoned on him to let the man go asked him to come into the car and off I was driving him to my house, he told me his story and I could relate we were just a little above their condition in my home  before Alex found me in my third year and married me, God bless the organisers of those career talks in my school. On getting home, my security guard briefed me, my man was back, I already explained to my groundnut seller my husband is a bit of a harsh man and we immediately cooked up a lie that he’s my distant cousin from my mother side and I sent a text to my mother on the spot so that she can corroborate my story.

We entered my sitting room,  B—r—o---d---a!!!!!!!!!!! The groundnut seller yelled and started to weep, My husband walked out of the living room angrily. I was confused and asked him to explain what he meant by brother because my husband is an only child. He cried some more, he explained how their parents were suffering in the village and my brother ran away from home at the age of 15 and never looked back, one of their uncles got his contact and when he called him, Alex told him bluntly never to reach him again. I was in shock, the person he described was totally different from my man, he married me despite my poor background although my packaging in university then did not depict that, but he didn’t leave me when I revealed my financial status back then instead he bought us a new house and changed our lives, why couldn’t he do same for his o-w-n people. Wait a minute, so his relatives at our wedding were r-e-n-t-e-d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I summoned up courage and asked him to get straight with me and alas my darling Alex lied to his guardian that he was an orphan, in other to keep up with this lie he severed his relationship with his biological relatives. Poverty is truly a bastard! I couldn’t get mad at him, I forgave him before he asked, I just made him promise never to keep any secret from me while I made the same vow.

My mom, Alex’s brother and myself landed in Delta, I couldn’t believe Alex’s parents languished in poverty while their son flourished in abundance, my husband is e-v-i-l, he could have found a way to reach out to them. We apologised on his behalf, they forgave him, more like they forgave his money, we moved them to the city and from that day on their life changed.

I collapsed on getting to Lagos that evening, as the drive was a tedious one, the doctor said I needed blood and giving my rare blood group, getting my father was the fastest solution. I woke up suddenly to hear my mother and Alex’s father in a heated conversation. My unknown secret came to play, I realised that very minute, my husband was my half-brother (multi-taking at its peak) the sad part is, all I could think off was how to act like the information received was not understood all because of money, chai! I have finally sold my soul to material things and my mum swore me to secrecy, only if she knew I had no plans of telling a soul, she wouldn't have bothered herself but really I feel sorry for my dad because I'm his favourite child, I just wonder how many humans are in similar situation or should I tell him??????????????????????????????

                                               

CREDIT

IMAGES: Google

INSTAGRAM HANDLE: @Temielsie

YOUTUBE PAGE: Elsie's diaries

Gidi Chronicles: Winking Tolerance

I was tidying up my desk on this beautiful Tuesday evening, I was going to hang around a bit before heading home, maybe try a new restaurant, I just got paid, I’m allowed a self treat. My office had become a comic center, my "yeye' 'I know it all colleague'' had just been shamed by our new intern. I know right... 'An intern' was all he needed to be shamed kai...Gbenga made life a living hell for us all, he knew it all, every other person's idea was crap and because he was one of the landlords of our office, we all had to tolerate him and smile like he had the most brilliant ideas when infact all he does is tweak our ideas and present them to the board as his, and most times the ideas he presents are tweak free but the credit still goes only to him.

We came up with a plan to deal with him, it was simple, we just stopped giving him ideas, the sad part is, we had already produced ideas that would last twenty-five weeks, we were all counting down to his 'big shame day'. Every time he asked us for our new ideas, we just kept beating around the bush. I had learnt the hard way,  the crazy and malicious competition that goes on  in Gidi offices. One minute you are playing with your colleague the next minute he/she is reporting you to an official that can get you fired. I sincerely couldnt deal, I'm all for the healthy competition that propels you to be a better version of you but this scheming and hate was definitely beyond me. It felt like we were all competing for the non-existent staff of the year award and the fact that they all acted like BFFs just made me cringe.

The intern was our life saver, God bless outspoken rich kids, we were having our board meeting, remember I said we all agreed that no ideas till we embarrass Gbenga, little did I know I was probably just an over obedient child, even before the CEO asked for ideas, my so called BFFs started this crazy rant, that sounded like gibberish to me, I simply just zoned out and took a trip to fantasy, when I suddenly heard, FUCKING CRAP!!!!!!!! even my CEO was tongue tied, by the time the intern started with his idea, I was thrilled as God would have it, I had thought about something similar so I helped embellish his idea and YES!! we got the accolade they were about to kill for. My shoulders became balanced and I walked around with the "I am the boss'' attitude and ofcourse the BFFs were raving jealous they had no clue, I could be a super bitch. Gbenga was in his most sober mood, I suddenly became his consultant in the coming weeks, he sought my opinion on e-ve-ryt-hing and I smiled at him scornfully.

My house-mate buzzed me, in falsetto style , she literally ordered me to run home, she had a huge jaw dropping surprise for me. So I jumped on a bike to beat traffic, nothing ever excited Tinuke, she’s too much of a cynicist, I nick-named her kill-joy, whatever it is must be the surprise of the year. I landed In my house and the surprise greeted me, our friend who had been touring Europe with her boo had landed with many goodies, I hugged her heartily, she slowly showed me her new bling, Femi had proposed and three of us were screaming and yelling at the top of our voices. We began planning immediately, picked colours and found our way to the aso-ebi Bella page, we  chose our bridal train outfit, then the who would be your chief bridesmaid question popped up, Simi was at a crossroad……….

I couldn’t sleep that night, I wondered how and when I lost my moral compass, first it was joining the unhealthy competition gang at the office, I used to be a super blunt person, I naturally would have just stood out but I joined, I condemned others for doing the same thing I had become a master in, I had changed even without me knowing, my personal credo did not even count and somehow I had learnt to silence my conscience. I was scared for me, I was scared that soon I might be on the way to doom Island and the society would cheer me even Tinuke ‘the social media activist’ always calling people out and condemning them for one morally wrong thing or the other was on the ‘Femi’ train, she even tweeted it. I wondered if she too, was having a hard time sleeping  or maybe I missed ‘my twenty-first century wokeness’ pill today and that’s the reason why my moral compass made an appearance because even my laptop was a gift from a friend whose fraudulent online scam is not hidden from me. 

 

I knew Simi’s relationship with Femi was wrong and suddenly the trip to Europe and the bling, made it right. How would I feel, if I was in his wife’s shoe, but I guess it’s fine because I am not in it. My friend had hopelessly fallen in love with persistence Femi after her boyfriend had dealt with her terribly, we had eaten free meals and gotten free stuff from Femi as friends of the girl friend. We even had her call him to take us out on our lazy days and never did it occur to me that I was on the part way of destroying a home. I once learnt that a winking tolerance in unethical behaviour makes you as guilty as the offender, It’s crazy how the society encourages you to do wrong and still condemns you for the same act, maybe if we all decide not to attend the wedding we would help save the poor woman’s marriage, just maybe if we learn to call a spade a spade we would help make the world a better place.

I woke up at past one am and I realised that whole 'moral compass' thing was a dream, I decided to roll over to the right hand side of the bed when Femi  kissed my forehead, ....I had no clue how we started screwing but I I liked the adventure and ending what we shared was not even in my books, but first let's go plan his wedding with my bestie......... Shall we?



IMAGE CREDIT: GOOGLE

INSTAGRAM HANDLE: @TEMIELSIE

Gidi Chronicles: Paranoia

Gidi is a hustle city, there's a popular saying that goes thus: if you dont make it gidi, you cant make it anywhere else, false to me though, you can probably make it on wall street but even to get the visa and funds required to land there requires serious hustling, a lot of people capitalize on this and have created their own avenue to earn a living by dupping people. Its super crazy, my friend just got called by a number that her bvn (Bank verification number) has been blocked and she needs to pay some certain amount to unblock it, my girl yelled "You are a learner'' or one time where my friends and I went 'sushing' and some guy was posing by her car and dangling keys, the dude was also forming some billion talk on the phone, he then said made an attempt to get her number, she played along, gave him a fake number, whilst he was trying to dial it, she pushed him entered the car and drove off, you wont believe the guy had the effrontery to hail us, no more shame in this city. Scammers on the loose! beware!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when I thought I had heard it all from scammers, the various types of ponzi and pyramid schemes came to play and are still playing. I was of the opinion the wailing last Decemeber would have taught people harsh lessons, I was wrong. In gidi people only wail for the moment, all that matters is making fast money, gidicians opt for the easy way to cashing out and that's why the entertainment industry is saturated with new entrants and the some industries are almost going into extinction. Heart breaks is no news in gidi, infact if your bae has not misbehaved gidicians think she/he is super smart, there's no such thing as being faithful. love died in Romeo and Juilet or love perished in titanic, thats what gidician would yell at you when you mention the 'l word'.

I have been heart broken a few times and I decided to take a break from love matters not because I think love is dead but because I decided to ask myself salient questions, like why do I attract the wrong men? I found me in the process and learnt some good habits. I met Tunde at a seminar, we bonded and he wanted my number, I skilfully faked a phone call its a gidi thing #wink and ran off in my cab but somehow he got my number and we kept in touch so regularly that 'my circle of besties' were oozing with jealosy. I bluntly refused to hang out with him but he was persistent and finally I agreed, he made me choose a venue, I chose my usual spot and we both looked forward to the day.

I walked into Hard rock Cafe, I knew I was definitely 'burgering' away, I ordered for two and began chatting with my friend Eno whose house is just some minutes drive, she became my date for the afternoon when Tunde called that something came up, we ate to our fill, I landed back in my room and decided to visit Joro's blog, I had promised my friend, I'll get acquainted with the page before our montly hang out at Hard Rock Cafe, I read some many unbelivable stories till I stumbled on the summary of my frienship with Tunde. It was all too familiar, how we met at a seminar up to how I fixed our meeting at Hard rock to 'run him down',  how he cleverly called and left me, he even wrote he knew another guy would have fallen victim because 'I am pretty' and he hoped I had ordered what I coould not afford, so I can get the embarrassment of my life.

I was going to call him and lash him. I know the city is filled with mistrust but guy I can pay my bills, and the silly commenters had their keyboards typing crap, he actually thought I was faking when I told him I was awaiting my uber. Rubbish!  the only reason I dont have a car is because my parents think I would scare men away, and thats the same reason I have not enrolled for a doctorate degree either. After I had finished ranting, I came to a conclusion Tunde is probably jaded, maybe a girl had scammed his future badly, so he is extra paranoid, I just slid into a comfy gown and went to see a movie and behold Tunde, his wife and his four kids were sitting right next to me, he even had the nerve to introduce her to me as his wife, while blowing me a kiss.....



Instagram handle: @temielsie

Youtube Chanel: @olaoluwaumukoro

Image and gif credit: Google

Subscribe!!!

GiDi Chronicles:Episode 1

Every  gidician   would agree with me that packaging   is a way of life in this city. You must package till you make it, I'm all for packaging, looking good is always good business but life has shown me there's a thin line between packaging, packlying and fakeness. My bestie met one guy that claimed to be the all and all of one popular PR firm, being the detective she is, she found out the dude was lying and all he could say was that he was only prophesisying, he could not even lie properly, Ronke dumped his ass but not before making him pay heavily at a hifalutin resturant and as always I tagged along. Ronke and I have been friends since undergraduate days and at masters level we gladly deceived people we were relatives, sometimes sisters, sometimes cousins, whatever noun came out first. Ronke is a proper spoilt child, she's the only child of her parents, her mum is forever in the states and her mighty house in Osborne is home for me, her father and herself, yet she is very humble, no yeye accent forming even though she has travelled round the world, infact her father sponsored our last two summer trips,  I sincerely thought this r factor thing was only exhibited by women and girls who have low self esteem issues, 'yes, you have esteem issues if you fake an accent, I'm in my house come and beat me'. Then shockingly some men in baby body jumped on the trend.

I can go on and on about people who from over packaging jumped into fakeness, without even noticing, I sincerely assumed that every private hostel student had wealthy parents or relatives, shock paid me a visit when I discovered that most of them paid their fees from runs!!! ehen even runs is packaging, formerly it was called prostitution. These days we have packaged so many wrong professions into attractive packages and made it almost diffcult for people to say no. I sometimes just think of how much money these girls make, mehn maybe I should just join them, Ronke is quick to remind me of my moral values when I want to go down that route. is not like any man I dated was worth it.... I was on my own, waiting for Ronke to come and pick me from my faculty, when this gbogbgo big girl of town came up to me and asked me to loan her some money. I looked at her, the aunty was carrying the latest Iphone, her Manolo blahnik bag and fendi pumps were screaming  'I cost a fortune'  and her Tahari gown was beautiful balanced on her cinched body. I know you'll ask how I know these designers,  I take out time to know this things so when I hammer, i'll slay well, besides how am I suppose to contribute to grandiose conversations when Ronke forces me to all  her elite gatherings. I looked at Mariam and wondered, how I was supposed to loan her money when she's looking like a million Euro's and I the lender looking like a thousandnaire, it got me thinking, I am sure some people most have missed their helpers through fake lifestyles.


I overheard some girls talking about how their customer increased their pay because they landed in uber select rides, so I figured overpackging/fakeliving worked for some. Ronke came in and announced her seondary school re-union was happening soon and by the time she received her levy, I had to ask her if they were flying in their chairs from Maldives, I am not understanding, infact I doubt they paid that much per session when they were students. I knew I was tagging along, I had to help her eat her share because my friend is Miss fit fam and she aint joking with her diet, she has an hour glass shape her boyfriend lives for, Emmanuel loves to show her off ehn...kai.We landed at the reunion venue, it was not bad, as usual both men and women were dressed to impress, the whole point of the union was to show off, you could see how they struggled to act like they were some foreign breed or just landed from their private jets, the part that got me laughing was when they were asked to introduce theirselves mehn see forming, three many ceo's. one of them claimed to have studied in Dubai yet she possessed a konk british accent. I couldnt deal. I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was an old neighbour, her face was all painted like it was her wedding, we hugged, gisted and gossiped she gave me gist and kept me company while Ronke was busy ensuring everyone was satisfied. I then told my old neighbour, Ronke invited me, she then said her brother is her boyfriend.... I laughed, somebody must have packaged himself to deceive Tonia, I then told her, she is an only child. she laughed at me heartily.

Tonia explained to me that the man I think is Ronke's father is her sugar daddy, her parents disowned her when they started dating during her jamb lesson days, and the man had been paying her bills, she even showed me family pictures and the resemblance between her brother and herself is glaring enough as proof. I suddenly became full, very full. I couldnt believe I did not notice, but she has a boyfriend,...but... I.... well...the good thing is that we still have parents who are not money blinded but how am I supposed to remain friends with her and act like, this information did not just breeze through my ears.

Instagram handle: @temielsie.....
Subscribe Darl! its free!!!!
Image credit: Google

SHOCKED

''This is freaking Preposterous'', the Irate passenger yelled as she demanded her balance from the rude conductor who had turned deaf ears to her yelling. I peacefully alighted, I did not have strength to hassle words with him over my fifty Naira balance. I entered into my peaceful abode, a place I can call my own, getting my parents to allow me live alone was a strong battle but thanks to my new job, they had to agree that the distance was quite a journey. I wonder why African parents think it's sinful to allow a girl child some independence. I landed on my bed and began munching my favorite cookies and smoothie, I know I deceive myself with the fit fam thing but God would help me, I got a message from Teju saying the gang wanted us to hang and since I now have my freedom, they were initiating me to the night life, then she hinted, Martins was coming with his girlfriend. I literally froze, Martins and I are the closest, I should have heard that gist before Tej, since when did Martins start hiding things from me, I was pissed, very pissed but maybe he wanted to surprise me because I have yabbed his single status way to much in this lifetime.

Martins and his bae arrived late, he introduced her to the crew, she's hot, I must agree but there was something off about her and as the Miss blunt that I am, I made it clear when she went to the ladies and Teju was quick to point out that I was just jealous and in love with Martins. Well, true I love all my male friends and I can do almost anything for them even my boyfriend can attest to that. I got home at past mid-night and I was literally sleeping the whole week long, I looked forward to the weekend like my life depended on it and my gang dropped the surprise, Tunde and Martins took us on a weekend treat to a very lovely resort in Lagos, that was my best weekend e-v-e-r!!! Martins bae, Shantel became my bestie, we loved the same books and movies.

Teju became extremely jealous of our friendship and I always reminded her that she is family and no one can take that away, Shantel virtually lived in my house, we did e-v--e-r-y-t-h--i-n-g together, my boyfriend did not approve of her intially, I told him that's how I felt when I first met her but he'ld like her as time went by and he did. Martins and I got some alone time and I told him how slighted I felt, when I realized I was the last of the gang to know his relationship status had changed, he apologized, got me cake, he then mumbled some sentences that simply meant he thought I wouldn't approve of  her and he was glad to see us become friends.

Martins and I have come a long way and if there was something I knew, its was the fact that he knew me like the back of his palm, infact that was the main reason, I never agreed to date him back then, so If he thought I wont like her, then I shouldn't. I decided to dig into Shantel's past and to my greatest surprise, I found nothing, the young girl is just a regular girl, trying to make life a palace she can rule. My parents wanted me to come home some weekends and I obliged, it's always a pleasure to eat free food, I was gisting with my cousin, whose parents had abandoned at my house to receive some hard training. I must admit Tonye is a handful, from drugs to yahoo, to absconding with various married men and appearing on top magazines and television, she even once faked her own kidnap and made her parents pay a heavy ransom, my mum registered her in an on-line university and monitors her every breathe. Tonye was showing me her London escapades, when I saw Shantel pole-dancing away like a trained stripper, this girl claims she cant dance to save her life, I scrolled on for more pictures, she was blazing cigarettes in bikini, I had to ask Tonye about her and I was told she was deported from the Uk for peddling drugs but some how she still supplies Tonye's boyfriend and she is famous for dating rich men and dumping their asses like they never happened.

I zoomed into depression mode, immediately I landed my house, I did not know how to break the news to Martins, Shantel was a scam, she had probably looked me up and found out the kind of books I read, my kind of movies and used that to get to me or maybe she might have changed, I'll watch her closely. I opened my fridge to take out my cookies and then I spotted my hidden camera, I had placed it there to see how crazy I act when I am exercising.  I decided to play what had been recorded so far, it did made me laugh, I laughed so hard I forgot all my worries then a video of Shantel and my boyfriend making out on five different occasion appeared.

Premeditated

He was my love, my freedom, my hope...he gave me life and crowned it with attention and money, I forgot to mention the free accommodation, love and hospitality. I was a runs girl, I did it for money, my background is crazy, not that we were poor. my parents are wealthy, I said 'are" because they are still alive and healthy, I was adopted with a diamond spoon, till they had their own child and dumped me in Nigeria during one of our vacations,they gave me some money, which I used to start some small business, I was only eighteen, I got into school and somehow, I invested in shares and lost all my funds, I worked as a house girl for some elites but not all of them liked the fact that I was a student , they saw me as a threat to their home, the ones that had the balls to accept me, either raped me daily or wanted me to quit school. I had no choice but to start prostituting, I saw myself through school with it, I wept daily because I never would have thought, life would treat me so unfairly, life was hard....so unbearable, I had no friends, except those in the same line of business, a lot of people judged me even before I uttered a word, my story was irrelevant, I was worthless to most people, I lived in solitude, my book was my best-friend, I had no family and above all, I was loosing myself daily....

Adegbite came into my life and it changed for good, he picked me up that night, heard my story and loved me, I became his wife, he paid my way through school, got me a job and cherished me like the queen I was meant to be.... we were in Scotland on our wonderful vacation, when some two white men raped me silly in our home, my husband watched with joy and laughed hard while they had carnal knowledge of me, he was paid heavily and this soon became the order of the the day. I tried to run but he had body guards that wont let me out of their side and as time rolled by, they also joined in the gang rape train, he spoilt me silly with gifts, he was my captor and tormentor, he took me on fancy trips, I rode the best cars during the day, while I became the car at nights to different men. I was beginning to find a way to elope when I discovered, Adegbite lied to me about his past, his wife was not dead, infact they still lived together happily, I was the second fiddle, the play thing, the money  making machine and when I thought it couldn't get any worse, he began to cut me open with crazy sharp objects. sometimes it was a blade, the other time it was a knife, just the sight of my blood makes him super glad, he chained me weekly and whipped me silly, I had no one to call, no where to run, he had made me quit my job, my phone was only to speak to him and him alone and now injuries kept piling up with no one to treat and then it graduated into scratching my skin with broken bottles and then peddling drugs, I knew my life was over, I did not just know when it will end.

I rebelled on this fateful day and he told me point blank, I had no right to complain as I was formally a dog and should have no problem with dirt, he scratched my skin on that fateful Thursday evening and something in me knew that was it, I had been denied the privilege of stepping out of my room for the past six months. that was my punishment for yelling at him. As soon as I saw blood slide out from my skin, my brain processed every single hurt i had been through all at once and yes I killed him, just the way I thought about it and I called the police. I have always been a prisoner, i'll feel safer being with the government and for crime I committed to free my soul...

I was stunned when, the judgement was pronounced and all that was said, was I need to visit the rehabilitation center, no jail term, no death by hanging, I wept my eyes sore, I had the chance to live again, I had won the battle. Mrs Adegbite paid me a visit in the mental home and yes she rewarded me handsomely for a job well done, the bastard she had for a husband had ruined too many women's life and she recruited my company to help either kill him or put him behind bars for life, I did the former and got more reward, even though I still feel the pains from his whips, I kinda liked some though, I"ll probably sail to Zanzibar and have some fun, I thought, my phone beeped and a message informing me of my next assignment came through....its in Mexico baby! I await my next adventure... Just in case you are a bad guy be sure we NEVER cross paths else you'll be my next prey!!!


Instagram Handle @temielsie

"Baby Girl"

Is this even life? Every blessed day I’m always trying to get home early but it seems I signed a pact with 9 o’clock and my desk, I just wonder how I get to tie myself with some never ending bank duties on a daily basis, well, I know I love my job, if anything I hate being idle or how else do you explain my entrepreneurial spirit. I own two shops on the island and run an active online store, in summary I think I just love to make money or how else do I keep slaying but today I am going to live the ‘baby girl” lifestyle. You heard me right? “BABY GIRL LIFESTYLE” I had mapped out a plan, a very perfect one. I applied a very light make – up and used an eye shadow that would give me the pale look, I took my lashes out, wore a short wig and threw on a simple dark gown, nothing too clingy but still a statement piece. I wasn’t my regular ‘happy go Lucky’ self. When asked what was wrong by my female boss, I yelled ‘MP’. Trust me they were all stunned because all my years of working with them, I had never complained of such, suddenly everyone became nice, I now understood why women use that card. I sincerely am not one to make such announcement to the world,  I sincerely feel if we are clamouring for gender equality, then we should act the part, anyway I had my mind set to leave by four, to my greatest surprise my direct boss forced me to get some rest by three pm, my heart was jumping for joy, I packed my bags and home I landed.

I had a line of “functivities” for the evening, dinner at this ‘awesometastic” hotel that only the creme de la creme of the society are allowed entrance and even if I wore my million dollar outfit and faked I belonged to that class, I sincerely doubt my account balance will survive the withdrawal. Damilola Williams, my hot chocolates (Niyi’s) bestie was celebrating his birthday in grand style, we were going to wrap the night club hopping. It’s been ages I partied hard, I was determined to rock the night. I know he had this one girl–friend but many side-chicks, they all wanted a share of his money but for some crazy reason my mind kept saying he would put a ring on her, i’ll love to see how Onyinye the chief sidechick would react to this, my camera is on video mode ready to record her foolery.

As expected dinner was too on point, I barely heard what Niyi was saying to me, kai, I used scope to see the bill when we were done, that money is enough to open another outlet in banana island, baba God biko shower me with wealth. We got partying and as the queen of twerking that I am, I was on the table, digging it all the way, I started hearing some kind of noise but it’s a club, so I con-ti-nued, then it followed by claps, my heart then said Damilola is proposing, as I turned to feed my eyes, I saw Niyi on his knees with a ring that yelled class, I got down, cried a bit, said YES, took pictures and just sat down looking into his eyes. He had no clue he had just ruined my night...............

Niyi and I have been dating for almost five years, but marriage is not exactly my thing, at least not now, I need to make money, p-l-e-n-t –y of it, I was hoping we could just be together and he’ll not want to commit, really I know I can’t give any man a 100 percent, i’ll rather be a second wife my religion permits it, that way I can focus on my career, business and not bother about having kids. I don’t have strength for all that babysitting one man, all in the name of marriage, I ain’t his mama!. We got into our hotel room by 5 am, I simply wrote the longest letter of my life, dropped the ring and headed out before he woke up. As usual the next couple of weeks was laced with drama , he had called up everyone that could speak to me but I didn’t want any thing serious. I took my annual leave early and off to London I was, I needed some chilled air, marriage is not by force, let no one force me to start what I cannot finish. This baby girl lifestyle I want to live it to the fullest, I can’t afford any thing to tie me down, there’s no how i’ll be married to a single man and he’ll  allow me work all week and slay all weekends, even if he does, nosy family members would want to hinder my greatness.

Otunba Martins made my trip amazing, we met at Heathrow, he had come to pick up his cousin, we had fun times, I totally forgot all my sorrows, Niyi on the other hand kept disturbing my parents with visits, I had to explain to Otunba and my London crew what had transpired when his incessant calls kept spoiling the fun, I myself could not believe my ears when Otunba asked me to marry him just to keep him off, I quickly jumped on his boat, I had nothing to loose, I became his third wife, my parents reluctantly agreed and my career and business began booming. I went on to do an MBA, I did feel bad for Niyi though but hey this is the life I had always wanted, I have chefs, freedom, a large house and some nagging women and plenty of cash. He can’t give me that. Otunba’s wives are not the regular kind of yoruba women, they never quarrel, they are always laughing, they both have two girls, the only time they nag is when our husband is not paying them attention, I on the other hand am too busy to be forming any squad, they do nothing but travel round the world, add weight and run to the gym.

I was on the way to a friends wedding, when I suddenly slipped on the staircase and fainted, nine


months later I gave birth to twins, a boy and a girl, one of Otunba’s wife also gave birth to a boy at that time but she lost the child, so we were kind of in the mourning laced with happy mood, I was resting my lids in the study when my two senior wives began talking in low tunes, I heard them correctly, they shocked my destiny, they said something about switching one of my babies to a girl whilst in my womb and how they regret their action since her child died, hmm I knew the scan said I was having two boys but hey this people don’t look diabolical, my heart started pounding as soon as they left I found myself on a bike, to my father’s house, then it occurred to me, I left my kids and belonging,  I hurried back, Otunba’s was home but this was his resting time, we dared not disturb him but I had to tell him what I just heard and inform him I was leaving, I opened the door and alas, I found him drinking blood from a calabash while placing his hand on what seemed like a human skull. I simply just passed out....  

IG HANDLE:@Temielsie